Wicked

The boys and I went to see "Wicked" last night. It was their second time, my first - but we were all blown away. We bought the T-shirts & program, and then hung around afterward to score some autographs.
Erin Mackey played Glinda (m'kay?), and she was phenomenal

Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West) was superbly done by Teal Wicks

And, Madame Morrible was done by Laugh-In alum JoAnne Worley

Afterwards, we ended up singing show tunes in the parking lot with The Two Allies from the Valley

All in all, a blast. Now I just need to suck down some major caffeine...

The Commander-in-Chief Test

Just probably one of the best ideas, EVER...

Can you guess what THIS is?


It's chocolate covered BACON! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

The recipe can be found here

(Thanks, Ruby!)

Pilobolus - absolutely incredible!

The Straight Talk Express 2008 Tour Schedule

I know. I shouldn't pick on the old guy. But hey, McGoo is comedy GOLD. This guy is starting to surpass Bush in terms of comedic material.

Oh, by the way - new topic: I know I live in Commie-pinko-bleeding-heart-liberal,want-the-terrorists-to-win California, but I have YET to see one McCain bumper sticker. Not a single one. Even down in über-conservative Orange County there are still a bunch of "Bush/Cheney 04" ones slapped on cars - but not a single McCain can be found ANYWHERE. Have you seen any?

John McGoo

Q: What's the difference between John McCain and Mr. Magoo?

A: One is a nearsighted, short-sighted buffoon who wanders aimlessly around making stupid mistakes, AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT EVERY TIME.

The other is a cartoon character.

Movie Review: "Step Brothers"

I am not a fan of Will Ferrell.

I have pretty much dedicated my movie-going life to the philosophy that any Will Ferrell movie would’ve been instantly and dramatically improved if his part had been done by pretty much any other actor in the populated Universe (with the exception of the films where he played bit parts, like “The Spy Who Shagged Me” and “Starsky and Hutch”).

I went in to “Step Brothers” pretty much kicking and screaming. I expected something slightly better than “The Love Guru” (which, by the way, I would pour Clorox directly into my eyes before ever watching that piece of crap again).

But to my amazement, “Step Brothers” was funny! I laughed out loud. As God is my witness, I laughed out loud.

Written by Ferrell, co-star John C. Reilly and “Anchorman” director Adam McKay, it’s the story of Brennan (Ferrell) and Dale (Reilly), two 40 year-old virgins who still live with their respective mom and dad. Fate dictates that the parents end up falling in lust and getting married, and thus the blended family. Ferrell and Reilly make no effort to conceal their mutual hostility, but a truce is called in the ongoing step-sibling war due to Brennan’s egregiously successful younger brother Derek (Adam Scott), a superconfident go-getter whose mercenary brand of ingratiating narcissism makes him a parental favorite -- and unites Brennan and Dale in their loathing.

Like most of producer Judd Apatow’s offerings, language, sexual situations, and particularly Brennan’s desecration of Dale’s drum set (I’ll leave it up to you to see how) make “Step Brothers” one that’s not for the younger set.

But, heaven help me, I laughed out loud.

Donald Duck's Family Tree

I'VE been at the point of "walking on my lips" before, but never THIS bad...

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his buttcheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary glaring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’
‘Now darlin," Flynn began, "Why would you be sayin' such a mean, hurtful thing?’

‘Well,’ Mary said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…..it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

Watch your language!

One day while walking down the street with his mother, a little boy sees this bow-legged guy. The kid tells his mom, "Whoa, mom! Look how bow-legged that S.O.B. is!" His mother tells him, "We don't use that sort of language! As a punishment, you have to read Shakespeare for an hour."

The next day the boy sees another bow-legged guy and exclaims, "Damn, that guy's even more bow-legged than the last one!" Again as a punishment, the boy's mother tells him he has to read Shakespeare, but this time for a whole week.

A few days later, the boy sees another man with bow-legs. He yells, "Holy crap! That guy's the most bow-legged guy I've ever seen!" His punishment is to read Shakespeare for a entire month this time.

So, about a month later, the boys sees yet another bow-legged guy, turns to his mom and says, "Mother, pray tell, what manner of men are these that wear their balls in parentheses?"

Martha or Maxine?

Are you a Martha...













...or a Maxine?

I’m thinking there are a lot more Maxines than Marthas.







Martha’s Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine’s Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha’s Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine’s Way
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha’s Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine’s Way
Go to the bakery! The y’ll even decorate it for you.

Martha’s Way
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’
Maxine’s Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Martha’s Way
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine’s Way
Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha’s Way
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine’s Way
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

Martha’s Way
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine’s Way
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! ‘All’ your pains go away.

Martha’s Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine’s Way
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha’s Way
Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine’s Way
Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!

But I'm a War Hero!

Courtesy of idrewthis

Points to Ponder

1. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

2. Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.

3. One of the most awkward things that can happen at a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle become synchronized with a complete stranger.

4. You're never quite sure whether it’s okay to eat green potato chips.

5. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6. Reading when you're drunk is difficult.

7. Nobody ever makes Cup-O-Soup in a bowl.

8. You never know where to look when eating an apple.

9. It’s impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

10. There’s something manly about poking a fire with a stick.

11. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up some sort of ball.

12. You always feel a bit nervous when stroking horses.

13. The smaller the monkey, the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

14. Every man has, at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

15 It's impossible to look cool while riding in the back of a pickup truck.

16. Everybody has honked their horn while driving though a tunnel.

17. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

18. No one seems to know the origin of metal coat hangers.

19. Despite constant warnings, no one has ever had their face frozen while sticking out their tongue

20. Everyone has had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. Or get you to pull their finger.

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

(My mom emailed me this. I've got such a cool mom.... )
For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find Yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to Establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.


SECOND
Have you ever locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot From your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).


THIRD
Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.


FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

If your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And Finally.

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

What SHOULD Have Happened to George Lucas After "The Return of the Jedi"

If Tom Cruise was a Comic Strip...

Now I just need a couple of two-by-fours to prop my EYES open...

The boys are with me while I'm teaching a seminar in Thousand Oaks yesterday and today, and we went to see the new Batman movie last night. Well, to be more precise, at 12:01 THIS MORNING!! They're still sleeping in the hotel room, but I'm off to set up for today's class.

It was a hoot, though. We got there around 9 last night, and ended up being third in line, so we got some awesome seats.

William decided he was going to go in 100%, so he went in full makeup

Jack and I opted out. I was just a bit concerned that I wouldn't be able to wash the makeup off in time for today's seminar...

(By the way, notice the slightly glazed look in Dad's eyes. That's three Starbuck's Americanos kicking in)

It turns out, though, that Will wasn't the only one in costume...

"The Dark Knight" is aptly named. Not one for the littlies, this - but we had a blast.

Now if I can only figure out a way to pour my coffee directly into my EYES this morning...

The Last Supper in 16 BILLION Pixels

courtesy of The Presurfer

The Last Supper In 16 Billion Pixels is the highest definition photograph ever in the world. You can enlarge and observe any portion of the painting, giving you a clear view of sections down to as little as one millimeter square.

How Much Cussing is on Skip's House of Chaos?

Created by OnePlusYou

I thought it would be higher than this. Damn.


Whoops...

9 Reasons Not to Date a Tyrannosaurus Rex

from Mingle2

Useless Superhero Powers

This sort of ties in to my previous post (July 6, 200*) on "How To Be a Superhero."

USELESS SUPERHERO POWERS

* The ability to levitate dead birds

* The ability to walk halfway through a brick wall

* The ability to shapeshift, but you can only turn into an igloo or a hot dog

* The ability to see one second into the future

* The ability to fly for half a second at a time

* The ability to have X-ray vision that sees completely through everything, so you can see basically nothing

* The ability to predict coin tosses correctly 50% of the time

* The ability to fly, but only indoors.

* The power to see through walls, but only ones made out of glass

* The ability to run in slow motion

* The ability to make strippers get dressed

* The ability to talk incredibly fast for long periods of time

* Super hearing that only works at rock concerts

* The ability to see in to the past, and only in to the past.

Hey! I just realized it's 7-11!

So, just in case...

Subtlety

sub·tle·ty [suht-l-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the state or quality of being subtle.
2. delicacy or nicety of character or meaning.
3. acuteness or penetration of mind; delicacy of discrimination.
4. a fine-drawn distinction; refinement of reasoning: the subtleties of logic.
5. something subtle.
6. History/Historical. an elaborate confection, ornate in construction and ornamentation, sometimes edible but more often made and used as a decoration for a table or buffet.

Cool Stuff That Might Be Fun to Have

Happy Friday, troops.

Is this not the coolest sink you've ever seen?
This might be interesting. For awhile, anyway...
Something every keyboard needs:
This seems like it might be a fun place to work

FISA: Your Silent, Always-Watching, Best Friend!

You may not have heard (because it wasn't really being covered by the mainstream news), but the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act has been passed! And – this is the awesome part – Telecom Immunity!

That whole thing now means that corporations and the government can watch whatever the hell you're doing without any fear of being held responsible. And THAT means your safety is always secure! Because who gives a frak about those other people, right? You’ve got nothing to hide. Besides, 9/11 was really scary.

If you’re reading this US Government – and I know you are since I just Googled “Terrorist Dirty Bomb Gay Black People” – I’ve got some advertising pitches which might help the few doubting Thomases realize that FISA is meant to protect innocent people from themselves, not hurt them.

Here we go:

Random Political Offensive Stuff

Finally, a dispassionate, logical analysis as to why Over is Right, Under is Wrong

Courtesy of Current Configuration


Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is Wrong

As part of our ongoing effort here at Current Configuration to make your life not only better, but also 10% more crunchy, we’re offering you this first installment of what will be an ongoing series of Essential Life Lessons. Kicking off this series will be a critical but even-handed examination of a common misunderstanding that occurs in a realm of many misunderstandings: the bathroom.

Put simply, there is a right way to hang the toilet paper, and a wrong way. Read on to determine the status of your own roll.

Toilet paper has a natural curve, a way of being that lends itself to certain orientations on the toilet paper spool.* If handled with skill and knowledge, it can provide an abundance of both sanitation and comfort, quilted together in each square of pillowy ply. If handled with clumsy ignorance, or worse, carelessness, it will beset the user with pain, filth, and frustration. Don’t let it end this way, with you curled on the tile floor of the stall, weeping in frustration, covered in wasted papier de toilette. To convince you, we’ve created some diagrams, harnessing the power of SCIENCE, to demonstrate the natural benefits of the over hanging method. First, we examine the optimal viewing benefits of the over hanging method.

Below are examples of the helpful and fruitful over-hung method on the left and the annoying and detrimental under-hung method on the right.
Notice the dramatic difference in the amount of visible toilet paper. Ironically, it is the over-hung toilet paper that has both the most visible free sheetage and the least amount of sheetage free from the roll to do it. Now, this may not seem like a big deal on its own, but in these extra sheets lies your undoing. Observe.

We here at Current Configuration, for the purposes of ease and expediency, do the one-handed tear (okay, really, it’s just me, but bear with me, er, us). The one-handed tear is a quick maneuver that takes advantage of the perforated squares, allowing your bundle of toilet paper to be liberated with one quick swipe of the arm. This is the foundation of bathroom ease, the cottony bedrock on which enjoyment rests in the restrooms of many nations.

Mechanics of the One-Handed Tear diagram

The one-handed tear relies on a quick and forceful motion directed either away from or towards the tear-er. The forces applied in this motion are great and, like the atom, are not to be trifled with. The natural curve of the over-hung method allows the roll to stand fast after a one-handed tear, but the under-hung method creates a calamitous tendency in the roll. This tendency can only lead to this:

Wasted paper, frustration, the destruction of our forests. While we realize that it is possible to execute a one-handed tear on an under-hung roll, this is a game of sanitary Russian roulette. You are bound to lose eventually, and there is no re-rolling an unwound toilet paper roll. The results will only cause you grief. Don’t let this happen to you. Restroom attendants, janitors, maids, facilities crews, and responsible toiletowners take note: Don’t use the under-hung method for your toilet paper rolls. It leads to the destruction of our precious resources and the pillars of civilization as we know it!


*Does that thing have a proper name?

How to Be a Superhero

So I saw "Hancock" this weekend. It got mixed reviews, but I liked it. Okay, maybe it could have used a little punching up, but Jeez, guys.... it's a MOVIE!

Having said that, I'd pretty much agree with the analysis of "9 Ways Hancock Could Have Been a Pretty Good Movie" (WARNING: There are a BUTTLOAD of spoilers in this article. Don't say I didn't warn you)

Okay - on to the post:

How To Be a Superhero

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deciding on a Superhero name

* Don't call yourself by your real name (e.g. Mr Fred Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster).

* Don't call yourself by someone else's real name (e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin).

* Choose a name that suggests power, heroism, and prowess (e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman).

* But don't labour the point (e.g. Mr. So-F***ing-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy).

* Don't be too modest (e.g. Mr Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredible Man).

* Don't choose a name detrimental to your crimefighting image (e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Asshole, Yellow Streak, Purple Helmet, Captain Evil, Dr. Shit-For-Brains).

* Don't choose a name with a sexual double meaning. For example, AC/DC man is not a good name for a man with electrical powers.

* Don't choose the name of an existing superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.

* It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenital hole-in-the-heart condition; it's just asking for trouble.

* Don't call yourself The Invisible Boy...if you're not.

* Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy...if you're a girl.

* Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady...if you're a man (even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body).

* Don't give away any important information in your name (e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable to Strontium 90).

* Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sidekicks

Advantages of a Boy Wonder

* They can watch your back in the thick of a fight.

* They can carry your accessory belt if you're feeling lazy.

* They make you look taller and hunkier by comparison.

* They're small and supple enough to wriggle out of their bonds and free you from Puffinmaster's diabolical death trap--just in time!

* They're just about the right height for headbutting or biting a super villain in the nuts--which makes them a force to be feared in the criminal underworld!

* They're someone you can explain the plot to for the benefit of particularly slow readers.

* They can give your comic a vital sales boost--simply by getting themselves killed.

* When they die, you have an excuse to go on a protracted frenzied rampage of violent revenge--and keep those sales figures high!


Disadvantages of a Boy Wonder

* They'd much rather stay in and play Nintendo than go out on patrol.

* They get shy and awkward when confronted by a female supervillain.

* They pick their noses when you're with the Police Commissioner.

* They want to wear a Walkman into combat.

* People talk...

* A 13-year-old boy is no match for a 210-lb criminal psychopath with a death-ray glare.

* They go into a sulk if you won't play a twelve-day game of Dungeons & Dragons with them.

* They embarrass you by whistling at girls out of the Crimemobile.

* They never tidy up after themselves in the Crimecave, so the whole place quickly gets littered with dirty t-shirts, comics, skateboards, apes, discarded bubblegum, catcher's mitts, smelly socks, half-eaten candy bars, half-finished model cars, long forgotten packets of contraceptives bought in a moment of supreme bravado and overconfidence, dirty plates, CDs out of their cases, stroke mags, tubes of acne cream, and crumpled tissues.

* They don't wash often enough, so they smell.

* They think it's funny to suddenly fart in public.

* They can easily be taunted by supervillains into bursting into tears and running off--simply by pointing and shouting, "Virgin, Virgin! Look everybody, there's a virgin Boy Wonder over here!"

* They'll quite happily play stickball in the midst of $20 million worth of delicate criminology lab equipment.

* They get carsick in the Crimemobile.

* In the midst of battle, it's futile to yell, "Battle maneuver 18, chum!" -- because chances are they can't count up that high.

* They call you things like 'The Big Enchillada' or 'Super-Dude.'

* They get zits and look real unsightly.

* They think your bald spot is hilarious.

* They talk crap.

* They make you feel very old.


Advantages of a Girl Wonder

* They look much better than a Boy Wonder.

* People don't automatically assume that you're, you know, that way...

* Overall, they're much more intelligent and mature than boys of the same age.

* People think you must be OK to be seen in the company of such a hot babe.

* Supervillains get dead jealous of you.

* You might get lucky.


Disadvantages of a Girl Wonder

* They're always holding slumber parties in the Crimecave.

* One tiny zit and they're out of action for at least two weeks.

* They insist on having at least a dozen different costumes to wear.

* They won't fight crime if Smashing Pumpkins are on MTV.

* They won't fight crime if they're waiting for a phone call .

* Other superheroes will try to steal her away from you.

* They kill people when they're premenstrual.

* They jam up the Emergency Crime Hotline with calls to Tammi, Samantha, Jo-Jo, Mindy, Mandi, Shelley, Bernice, Pam, Tina, Linda, Sandy, Crissy, the Berkowitz Twins--and Jim.

* If you receive an emergency call at 2am and their hair's in curlers-- forget it!

* They're no use for fighting Tarantula Man or Rat Master.

* Their approach to fighting supervillains tends to be strictly limited to pulling his hair, slapping his face, or hitting him with a shoe.

* They get crushes on your arch enemy because "He's like so totally dark an' mysterious an' mean an' moody--but that's only 'cause someone musta rilly, rilly hurt him bad one time. I can tell... etc. etc. etc."

* They won't watch your back in combat if you failed to notice their new hair style.

* They get upset if you and your arch enemy start shouting at each other during battle.

Happy 4th of July, Troops!

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

America's Regional Hot Dog Styles

Just in time for the holiday weekend, troops!
Courtesy of seriouseats.com

I'm gettin' the munchies...

Cookie-tini

Now this is classy -

You have no idea....

Change of Command Ceremony

About three years ago, the Commander of the Point Loma Submarine Base, Captain Mark Patton, took one of my seminars in San Diego. He's stayed in touch since, and a couple of weeks ago, he sent me an invitation to attend his Change of Command Ceremony. So this morning, BFF Donna and I drove on down to San Diego. We got there way-y-y too early for the ceremony (a little mixup on the start time... my bad...) so we walked around the Hotel Del Coronado for awhile before heading over to the base. We made some new friends pretty quickly...
The U.S. Navy Band was awesome -
...but they were sitting right in front of a CANNON! Just off the top of my head, the caption for this one should be: "Listen up! One wrong note, and BLAM!"

Pretty cool, hmmm?


The rest of the pictures can be found here.