The Octo-Slam

In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal: The Octo-Slam.

You get eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

WRECK DIVING!

Eldest unmarried son William and I are heading down to San Diego tomorrow to spend the weekend diving on three sunken wrecks: the Ruby E, the NOSC Observation Tower and one of California's largest wrecks accessible by divers, the Yukon

Expect pictures.

FLASH! Fox News Reports Joe Biden's Gaffe!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Fox News Reports Joe Biden's Gaffe

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

I *dare* you not to laugh at this

(Thanks, George)

Louis CK on Conan: Everything is Amazing And Nobody is Happy

Pretty funny...

My Halloween Costume for This Year...

By using a travel DVD player strapped to your stomach, with video coming from a digital camera strapped to your back, it creates the illusion that you have a very large hole through the middle of your body.

How frakkin' awesome is this?
(via flickr)

The Teenager Audio Test

There's this sound that can generally only heard by people under the age of 25. It has been used as a deterrent device to keep teenagers from loitering in malls and shops, and sounds similar to a buzzing mosquito. Typically the longer you listen to it, the more annoying it gets.

Try the Teenager Audio Test.
Since I'm older than 25 (way-y-y older than 25), I failed the test.


(via)

About As Useful As...

(See, I don't understand this one at all. Luis will, so I'm hoping he'll explain it to me.)

Today's Vocabulary Lesson:

Here’s your vocabulary lesson for today.

"Liquidity"

When you look at your investments and wet your pants.

(via)

Weird, Funny Statues

(via)

ARRRR!!!! (The Next Generation)

On a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit...

Jack was already seated on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to Detroit; there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says.
Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser delivery truck."

Why Facebook Is for Old Fogies

By Lev Grossman

Facebook is five. Maybe you didn't get it in your news feed, but it was in February 2004 that Harvard student Mark Zuckerberg, along with some classmates, launched the social network that ate the world. Did he realize back then in his dorm that he was witnessing merely the larval stage of his creation? For what began with college students has found its fullest, richest expression with us, the middle-aged. Here are 10 reasons Facebook is for old fogies:

1. Facebook is about finding people you've lost track of. And, son, we've lost track of more people than you've ever met. Remember who you went to prom with junior year? See, we don't. We've gone through multiple schools, jobs and marriages. Each one of those came with a complete cast of characters, most of whom we have forgotten existed. But Facebook never forgets.

2. We're no longer bitter about high school. You're probably still hung up on any number of petty slights, but when that person who used to call us that thing we're not going to mention here, because it really stuck, asks us to be friends on Facebook, we happily friend that person. Because we're all grown up now. We're bigger than that. Or some of us are, anyway. We're in therapy, and it's going really well. These are just broad generalizations. Next reason.

3. We never get drunk at parties and get photographed holding beer bottles in suggestive positions. We wish we still did that. But we don't.

4. Facebook isn't just a social network; it's a business network. And unlike, say, college students, we actually have jobs. What's the point of networking with people who can't hire you? Not that we'd want to work with anyone your age anyway. Given the recession — and the amount of time we spend on Facebook — a bunch of hungry, motivated young guns is the last thing we need around here.

5. We're lazy. We have jobs and children and houses and substance-abuse problems to deal with. At our age, we don't want to do anything. What we want is to hear about other people doing things and then judge them for it. Which is what news feeds are for.

6. We're old enough that pictures from grade school or summer camp look nothing like us. These days, the only way to identify us is with Facebook tags.

7. We have children. There is very little that old people enjoy more than forcing others to pay attention to pictures of their children. Facebook is the most efficient engine ever devised for this.

8. We're too old to remember e-mail addresses. You have to understand: we have spent decades drinking diet soda out of aluminum cans. That stuff catches up with you. We can't remember friends' e-mail addresses. We can barely remember their names.

9. We don't understand Twitter. Literally. It makes no sense to us.

10. We're not cool, and we don't care. There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook. That time has passed. Facebook now has 150 million members, and its fastest-growing demographic is 30 and up. At this point, it's way cooler not to be on Facebook. We've ruined it for good, just like we ruined Twilight and skateboarding. So git! And while you're at it, you damn kids better get off our lawn too.

(Via Time Magazine - Thanks, Melinder)

Let's start off the week with some BACON!

In particular, Bacon Wrapped Sausage!

Okay kids, we start with a sausage log and a weave of God's Perfect Food
Artery-hardening goodness in its raw form
Can't you just SMELL that heavenly aroma wafting from your computer?
And finally, the finished product
Dig in, troops!

Movie Review: "Taken"

Liam Neeson plays Bryan Mills, an ex-spook who’s retired and moved to Los Angeles to reconnect with his 17-year old daughter (Maggie Grace). Constantly one-upped by his ex-wife (a haggard-looking Famke Janssen) and her new beau (he buys his daughter a karaoke machine for her birthday; the new boyfriend buys a horse), he reluctantly agrees to allow her to go to Paris with her friend – on the condition that she call him every day. On their first phone call (which he has to initiate), he hears her being kidnapped by evil Albanian sex traffickers, whom he vows to track down and kill.

Neeson has been (in no particular order) a Jedi Master, an industrialist savior of Jews during the Holocaust, a pioneer in sex research, Batman’s mentor, a Scottish Robin Hood and Aslan, the Great Lion of Narnia. But in “Taken,” Neeson brings the house down and the body count up as he races against a 96-hour deadline to rescue his little girl.

Sure, the acting a little over the top and the plot is a bit thin (bordering on anorexia, actually) – but who cares. “Taken” is a pure popcorn flick.

You want a full bang for your buck? “Taken” delivers in spades with a great hero, some real nasty bad guys and edge-of-your-seat action. It’s not just an adrenaline rush; it’s a shot of epinephrine directly into the heart.

So I'm heading off to Winnipeg this afternoon...

Of course, the LAST time I was there, it was -30 degrees, with a wind-chill of Absolute Zero. This trip looks to be downright BALMY.

Cultural Sidenote: I've discovered that "Winnipeg" is an old Cree Indian (First Nations) word meaning "hypothermia."

The Cow

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."

(via the lovely and talented Miss Cellania)

Fun Facts About the Oscars

The 81st Annual Academy Awards presentation is this Sunday at 5:00 PM (8:00 PM Eastern). Here's some fun bits of trivia that you might not know...
(via)

Since I'm in Quispamsis, New Brunswick right now, I can understand this...

This has been making the rounds of the Internets...

Before You Go...

Maybe I'm just tired, but this made me burst out laughing...

(via)

New Foreign Phrases

The following was in a magazine (beats me which one); it was a contest. The rules were simple: take ANY well-known phrase in ANY foreign language and change JUST ONE SINGLE LETTER, and then provide a definition for the new expression.

ALOHA OY
Love; greetings, farewell; from such a pain you should never know ...
AMICUS PURIAE
Just a Platonic friend.
APRES MOE LE DELUGE
Curly and Larry got wet.
CA VA SANS DIRT
And that's not gossip.
COGITO, EGGO SUM
I think, therefore I am a waffle.
EX POST FUCTO
Lost in the mail.
FELIX NAVIDAD
Our cat has a boat.
FUI GENERIS
What's mine is mine.
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?
HASTE CUISINE
Fast French food.
ICH LIEBE RICH
I'm really crazy about having lots of dough.
IDIOS AMIGOS
We're just wild and crazy guys.
LE ROI EST MORT, JIVE LE ROI
The King is dead. No kidding.
MAZEL TON
2000 pounds of good luck.
MERDI BIEN
Thanks for nothin'.
MONAGE A TROIS
I am three years old.
PORT-KOCHERE
Sacramental wine.
POSH MORTEM
Death styles of the rich and famous.
PRO BOZO PUBLICO
Support your local clown.
QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal.
QUIP PRO QUO
A fast retort.
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish.
RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.
TOYOURS TRISTESSE
May you and yours be unhappy.
VENI VIDI VICE
I came; I saw; I partied.
VENI, VIPI, VINCI
I came; I'm a very important person; I conquered.
VISA LA FRANCE
Don't leave your chateau without it.

Bar Fight Rehearsal for the movie, "Serenity"

Wow -



The stuntwoman's name is Bridget Riley.

Nice Bridget. Good Bridget...

And, the finished scene from the movie:

Obama's Elf

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

I *love* this show...

CD Art

Some pretty clever ones here...

Some random pie charts

The 8 Monkeys

(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.)

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.



And that is how most companies' policies get established.

(via)

It's hard to watch Ringo and not laugh...

Possible captions:
"What the hell am I doing here?"
"A parasol. They've got me playing a freakin' parasol."
"Laugh now, suckers. I'm going to outlive you all AND have a hotter wife!"

Flat Stanley at Catalina Island

So, here's the back story. BFF Donna's niece sent her a "Flat Stanley" for her Flat Stanley Project.

According to Wikipedia,
"The Flat Stanley Project provides an opportunity for students to make connections with students of other member schools who've signed up with the project. Students begin by reading the book and becoming acquainted with the story. Then they make paper "Flat Stanleys" (or pictures of the Stanley Lambchop character) and keep a journal for a few days, documenting the places and activities in which Flat Stanley is involved. The Flat Stanley and the journal are mailed to other people who are asked to treat the figure as a visiting guest and add to his journal, then return them both after a period of time. The project has many similarities to the Traveling gnome prank except, of course, for the Flat Stanley Project's focus on literacy."

So Donna has taken pictures of this particular Flat Stanley all around LA (including one with the cast of "CSI"). I mentioned to her that I was going diving out to Catalina this weekend, one thing led to another and voila! Flat Stanley goes scuba diving!

Here he is under 40 feet of water with dive buddies Sophie and Julie

And with a sea cucumber

Everybody wants to get into the act...

Me and Flat Stanley

And, one I'm *particularly* proud of, with a California spiny lobster! And, to top it all off, we were escorted part of the way back to San Pedro by a pod of dolphins!


So a successful mission was completed, Flat Stanley is back safe and dry, and the rest of the pictures from the dive trip can be found here.

Trivia about "Somewhere in Time"

* Automobiles are not allowed on Mackinac Island, Michigan, location of the Grand Hotel and site of much of the movie. The use of cars for the movie required special permission from the town. Although cars were allowed for filming, the cast and crew weren't allowed to drive them outside of actual filming for the movie.

* Every October the hotel hosts an annual convention for fans of the movie.

* The original hotel in the book that the movie was based on ("Bid Time Return" by Richard Matheson) was the Hotel del Coronado in San Diego.

* The film was based on the author's dream about meeting renowned stage actress Maude Adams. He never met her in real life, only saw her portrait in Piper's Opera House and fantasized what it would be like to go back in time and meet her.* The moment when Richard first sees the portrait of Elise in the film was also the first time Christopher Reeve saw the portrait. The director's objective was to get a genuine reaction from him, so it was kept hidden from Christopher Reeve until the moment Richard first turns and sees it.

* The film debut for both William H. Macy and George Wendt


(more here)

Happy Friday the 13th!

And hey, tomorrow's Valentine's Day! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

All personnel will now be required to look happy while working. Company-approved supplies will be provided to each employee at little or no cost.

* Workloads getting to you?
* Feeling stressed?
* Too many priorities and assignments?


Here is the new low-cost, company-approved solution to cope with multiple priorities and assignments!

Each employee will be supplied 2 paper clips and rubber bands. (See Fig 1.)

Fig 1.

Assemble items as shown in Fig 2.
Fig 2.

Apply as shown in Fig 3.
Fig 3.

Enjoy your day. This new office equipment will help you to reach the end of a productive work day with a smile on your face!

The Management