A spaced out guy decides to visit
his neighbor in the apartment below him and share a joint (or two). While high
as a kite, he asks his neighbor: “Dude! I love the paint job you did. I’m gonna
paint MY apartment, too! Since my apartment is identical in size to yours, how
much paint did you buy to paint this place?
The neighbor says, “Around 25
“Coooooool. I'm gonna go buy me
Two weeks later he revisits his
neighbor for another sesh, and asks his neighbor: “Hey, remember you told me
you bought 25 gallons of paint for your place? Well, I bought 25 gallons, then
painted my apartment, but was left with a shitload of paint! I painted the
house three times and still had 18 gallons left over!”
The neighbor, all spaced out
replies, Really? No shit, dude! That's the exact same amount I had left over,
Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Geoffrey's. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Geoffrey and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
He leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Pounds?"
Here’s a thought – if
Steve Jobs had been reincarnated to a Chinese family, he’d now be old enough to
make iPhones again!
I’m not afraid of sweatshop workers, but they do make me
Sort of bummed. I’ve been trying for quite some time now to convince
Marlee Matlin of my undying love for her, but my pleadings fall on… well, you
Hey kids, do you
remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and
no one noticed? That’s what adulthood is like.
I used to think “Queue” was just Q, followed by four silent
letters, but now I realize they’re just waiting their turn.
Way-y-y-y-y back when
I was married, I’d read somewhere that it’s considered good manners to drink
tea with your pinky sticking out. So naturally, I did that when the ladies from
the church came to visit us. My ex, however, was furious. Apparently, the
“pinky” is a finger.
How am I supposed to
make big decisions when I still have to sing the entire alphabet to get the
causes short-term memory loss is caused by weed.
Say what you want about Kanye and Kim naming their daughter
North West, but there’s no denying that this child is going straight to the
top… and slightly to the left.