Tuesday, February 28, 2017
The moral of the story...
A couple go to a bar during karaoke night, and they hear a man sing to most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.
"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they ask him.
"I would love to! As a matter of fact, I'm a justice too, so I could even wed you two in the same day!" he replied.
So it was settled, and the man showed up to their wedding, and he performed a beautiful ceremony.
Everything was going just perfect ... until the reception. Every song the man sang was absolutely horrendous; he was off-key in every verse, and at some points even forgot the lyrics.
Everything was going just perfect ... until the reception. Every song the man sang was absolutely horrendous; he was off-key in every verse, and at some points even forgot the lyrics.
So the moral of the story is:
Never book a judge by his cover.
Monday, February 27, 2017
Monday Mind Game
Give up?
Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answer
*
91,188
Remove the top and bottom from the first 0
Add one to the 5 (to get 9)
Add the other to the second 0 (to get 8)
*
We lost a legend on this day in 2003
To give you an inkling of the type of man Mr. Rogers was, in 1969 a $20,000,000 grant – which had been set aside for the future Corporation for Public Broadcasting – was about to be cut in half, in response to significant proposed cuts by President Nixon. Mr. Rogers, still largely unknown at that time, went before a congressional committee headed by the tough-minded Senator John Pastore (D-R.I.). With an honest and vulnerable six-minute plea to help give the children programming that would help them manage their angry feelings, Rogers turned the hard-boiled senator into a wide-eyed child, and the $20,000,000 was approved.
Fred Rogers (March 20, 1928 – February 27, 2003)
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Things you can say in response to literally anything
Things you can say in response to
literally anything, when you have nothing else to say:
* As the prophecy foretold.
* But at what cost?
* So let it be written; so let it be done.
* So, it’s come to this.
* That’s just what (he)(she)(they) would’ve said.
* And this is why fate brought us together.
* And thus, I die.
* …just like in my dream…
* Be that as it may, still may it be as it may be.
* There is no escape from destiny
* Wise words by wise men write wise deeds in wise pen.
* In THIS economy?
* …and then the wolves came.
Terrorist handbag
"This text has no other purpose than to terrorize those who are afraid of the Arabic Language"
Okay, now I want to see this as a TATTOO.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Three Spies
Three spies get captured. One spy is French, one is German and
the other is Italian.
Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie
his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before
he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the
German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4
hours before he tells them what they want to know.
They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They
tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy
isn't talking then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw
him back into the cell.
The German and French spies are impressed and ask him how he
managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds,
"I wanted to, but I couldn't move my hands!"
Friday, February 24, 2017
One day, in a small country clinic...
Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her.
She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.
"Why, we just hired her?"
"Well, I think she's dyslexic and she's getting things backward. For example, I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. Then I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve enemas in one hour!"
"Why, we just hired her?"
"Well, I think she's dyslexic and she's getting things backward. For example, I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. Then I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve enemas in one hour!"
The doctor had barely finished speaking when the other doctor started to rush out of the room.
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" the doctor asked.
"To find Nurse Nancy! I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill's boil!"