Skip's House of Chaos: January 2019

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Meanwhile, at an art shop in London...

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Just sayin'

A Case of Spiritual Enlightenment

Su Dongpo (蘇東坡) was an avid student of Buddhist teachings and a distinguished and mischievous poet. He was quick-witted and humorous; as a Zen Buddhism follower he was very serious and self-disciplined. He often discussed Buddhism with his good friend, Zen Master Fo Yin (佛印禪師). The two lived across the river from one another.

Following is an interesting and famous story about him and Zen Master Fo Yin.

One day, Su Dongpo felt inspired and wrote the following poem :

稽首天中天，(Qǐshǒu tiān zhōng tiān),

毫光照大千；(Háo guāngzhào dàqiān);

八風吹不動，(Bā fēngchuī bùdòng),

端坐紫金蓮。(Duān zuò zǐjīn lián).

I bow my head to the heaven within heaven,

Hairline rays illuminating the universe,

The eight winds cannot move me,

Sitting still upon the purple golden lotus.

The "eight winds" (八風) in the poem referred to praise (稱), ridicule (譏), honor (譽), disgrace (毀), gain (得), loss (失), pleasure (樂) and misery (苦) – interpersonal forces of the material world that drive and influence the hearts of men. Su Dongpo was saying that he has attained a higher level of spirituality, where these forces no longer affect him.

Impressed by himself, Su Dongpo sent a servant to hand-carry this poem to Fo Yin. He was sure that his friend would be equally impressed. When Fo Yin read the poem, he immediately saw that it was both a tribute to the Buddha and a declaration of spiritual refinement. Smiling, the Zen Master wrote "fart" on the manuscript and had it returned to Su Dongpo.

Su Dongpo was expecting compliments and a seal of approval. When he saw "fart" written on the manuscript, he was shocked . He burst into anger: "How dare he insult me like this? Why that lousy old monk! He's got a lot of explaining to do!"

Full of indignation, he rushed out of his house and ordered a boat to ferry him to the other shore as quickly as possible. He wanted to find Fo Yin and demand an apology. However, Fo Yin’s door closed. On the door was a piece of paper, for Su Dongpo. The paper had following two lines :

八風吹不動，

一屁彈過江。

The eight winds cannot move me,

One fart blows me across the river.

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THROWBACK THURSDAY - "This One's a Keeper"

(originally published on June 8, 2010)

"Tackos"?

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I laughed entirely too much at this

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Wednesday, January 30, 2019

The Good Old Days

Size Matters

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Website Wednesday 19.5

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Top of the heap: We may finally know what causes Alzheimer's - and how to stop it (Thanks, Spider!)

Wiki Loves Earth Photo Winners

This week's best headline

Answers to Every Question About Guide Dogs

Honest Covers For Classic Books

2019 Social Media Image Sizes Cheat Sheet

The Evolution of the Motorcycle

Why is my Gmail suddenly full? And what can I do about it?

YouTube URL Tricks You Should Know About

6 Amazing Facts That'll Change The Way You Look t History

Secret Menu Items At Your Favorite Restaurants

Trump's lawyer said there were "no plans" for Trump Tower Moscow. Here they are.

How a Group of Daring Bootleggers Created NASCAR

Historic firsts of the 2019 Oscar nominations

Hang on for Breaking Bad, The Movie and (maybe) The Big Lebowski 2

The MAGA Hat Goes Beyond Politics, It's Become A Symbol Of Hate

Affordable U.S. Destinations

Affordable International Destinations

Here's the Medical Cannabis Commercial Super Bowl Ad CBS Refused to Run

Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.

- Skip ಠ_ಠ

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Punny

(Thanks, Susan!)

Bear with me

Any moment now

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Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Signage...

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TWEETS OF THE WEEK

For Our Brethren Across the Pond

Brexit Cake Analogy

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.

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