Sunday, June 30, 2019
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Friday, June 28, 2019
One day, at War-Mart...
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I'm working on it."
"Well good, you're a team player. That's what I like to hear”.
“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder”.
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir”?
(via)
Thursday, June 27, 2019
El Paso (Redux)
(The Sewage Song)
(With apologies to Marty Robbins)
Out in the west Texas town of El Paso
If you get thirsty, you’ll get a surprise
Water from sewage is treated then served there
What comes out later you’ll not recognize
Climate change drought makes this task necessary
“But it’s fake news” Mr. Trump still contends
I’d love to see him consume this fake water
Then we could watch it spew out from both ends
I must stay close to the lavatory
Clenching my cheeks as I run…
I sit my butt down and ease off the clampdown
The pressure relieves but I’ve gassed everyone.
So I reach for the big roll of TP that should be a-hangin’
To my chagrin there are just three squares left
I do my business the best that I’m able
It’s not enough and I’m feeling bereft.
Just for a moment I stood there in silence
Shocked by the foul, evil stench in the stall
I yanked my pants up and zipped up the zipper
And shot out of there like a big cannonball.
I started cursing this West Texas town
Who made this terrible plan?
The pressure’s increasing, my insides are greasing
It’s like I’m living in rural Sudan.
Just as fast as I could I turned back to that old lavatory
Back through that gross noxious cloud of disgust.
Back on the toilet I sit there just pushing
Grunting and groaning but still it goes on
It’s been so long since I’ve been in this bathroom
I swear they could smell it in Saskatchewan
I finish up and by hind end I clean
It’s a literal pain in my ass
With each wipe of TP I scream like a banshee
It feels like I’m wiping across broken glass
And at last here’s the last of the clean up
I’m finally finished
I flush and I reach for my trousers below
I pull my jeans up and buckle my belt up
Out of this stall to the fresh air I go.
Four or five steps
Was the farthest I traveled
But the bubble starts forming deep down below
Clamping and clenching I do a 180
My intestines are cursed with a turbulent flow
Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
My sphincter about to release
I might not make it, though I can’t take it
Please lock me up for disturbing the peace
But I fin-ally reach the bathroom door
And push back inside there
All of the stalls seem to be occupied
Hopping from one foot then back to the other
I don’t care if I look undignified
I feel my insides beginning to rumble
Just then a door opens and I take heart
Back on the toilet I’m able to release
One little pop, but this one’s just a fart.
THROWBACK THURSDAY - "I want this on the back of my car"
(originally published on March 28, 2013)
(click on it to make it bigger)
It says,
If my blinker is on, it's not me asking for permission
it's me telling you what I'm going to do
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Website Wednesday 19.26
Website Wednesday
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
How come women named Deborah often go by Deb, but never by Bruh?
Top of the heap: I’ll believe it when I
I knew it! I just *KNEW* it!
NASA reveals images of asteroid that's "like nothing humanity has ever seen"
A Pied Piper Mystery (which happened 735 years ago today)
The World's Ugliest Dog, 2019
The Best Bars in America, 2019
Giant Squid Caught on Camera For the Second Time Ever
Insects inspired by Looney Toons and Classic Horror Film Monsters
Why the Trump Campaign Won't Pay Police Bills
The art of noticing: five ways to experience a city differently
10 Awesome Indiana Jones Facts
Ravelry, the world's biggest yarn craft forum, has announced a new policy
Hilarious Glamor Shots
After You Die...
Easy-to-miss things that will change your life
Assault on Truth
Inside a Texas Building Where the Government is Holding Immigrant Children
How to Be a Better Tourist
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_ಠ
Website Wednesday archives
(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot me an email and let me know)
SHOC-ing - The Investigation: A Search For the Truth in Ten Acts
Actors Reading The Mueller Report
Bunny Suicides
When my son Jack was about 10, he got a copy of The Book of Bunny Suicides: Little Fluffy Rabbits Who Just Don't Want to Live Any More, a collection of cartoons of white rabbits in their creative attempts to end their lives using a variety of items.
I know it sounds morbid as hell, but it had him, and his older brother William, and ME, in stitches. Here are a few of 'em...
I know it sounds morbid as hell, but it had him, and his older brother William, and ME, in stitches. Here are a few of 'em...
