Random Status Updates

Studies have shown that vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, worthless, baconless years.

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I used to be in a band called "Missing Dog". 

You probably saw our posters.

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Wait… shouldn't Maurice Gibb's voice be mixed out of the song "Stayin' Alive?" If not as a sign of respect, then at least for the sake of historical accuracy?

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Idea 4075a on how I’ll be able to make my first million dollars:

A smoke detector that shuts off when I yell, “I’m just cooking!”

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I’m thinking about changing my name to Tat. Maybe it’ll improve my odds.

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Here’s something I bet you didn’t know.  Beekeepers have famously attractive eyes. Every single one of them. I don’t know the science behind it, but studies show that beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

Well, apparently, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS.
Sort of ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists.

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I’ve been telling people about how this absolutely gorgeous supermodel-type at Starbucks stopped me to tell me how incredibly sexy she found me to be. Well, I might be embellishing the story a little, because maybe the word she used was “attractive.” Well, what she *actually* said was, “You’re in my way.” But you can see my point.

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Your only limitation is yourself.

     Well, that, and physics.

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Songwriting tip: "Anywhere" is a delicate alternative to admitting the midnight train is going to Akron.