Friday, March 18, 2016

Random Status Updates

Historical Fact: Mozart wrote his first symphony when he was eight years old.

I’m 65 and I just rehearsed 4 times what I’m about to tell the drive-thru guy.

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Not only is life a bitch, but it seems to be constantly having puppies.

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My uncle was a ventriloquist. To keep my sisters and me in line, he told us he kept our cousin in a locked box – even making him “speak” from the box in a high, pitiful, tortured voice.

At least, we THINK he was a ventriloquist.

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Do you think Santa has a special list for guys who want to be naughty but end up being nice due to their extreme dorkiness? And, of so, how do I get off this list?

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The best part about the whole Star Wars saga is that it’s just one family screwing up the whole galaxy with their drama.

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Okay, I know the absolute, Number One Rule of being an actor is to never break character. But you'd think that kid on my lap would've been excited that Santa *wanted* to get his mom's number.

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Even though gold, frankincense and myrrh are all pretty nice gifts, I’m thinkin’ Jesus couldn’t have been too happy when the wise men told him they were for both is birthday AND Christmas.

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As we entered the fourth hour of being trapped in the stuck elevator, I began to worry that the stale air supply was taking its toll. I mean. There are only so many replays of “Even the Nights Are Better” and “I’m All Out of Love” a man can take.

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Sometimes it takes an impassioned plea by a celebrity to increase our awareness of a plight that might otherwise go unnoticed. And, thankfully, because of Sylvester, I, too, will not rest until we alleviate the suffering of the world’s succotash population.

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I’ve decided my favorite flavor of bagel is donut.

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