Saturday, May 14, 2016

Puns, Jokes, and One-Liners

I, for one, love Roman numerals.

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I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. Yeah, I know you have more money than me. No need to rub it in.

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison…

…but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.

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How can you tell if someone has Alzheimer’s?
How can you tell if someone has Alzheimer’s?

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I’m not poor, I’m big loaned.

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The wife walks in the room and sees me rubbing coconut oil all over my body and says, “What are you doing?”

“Uhh, SOMEONE said I don’t glisten very well?”

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My girlfriend said her stomach was upset tonight.
I told her she should probably just apologize.

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Did you hear about the mentally ill guy who had sex with a girl in a laundromat, then ran off?
The headline in the paper read, “Nut screws washer and bolts.”

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What do you call a sandal-wearing Frenchman?
Phillippe Philoppe.

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The scariest thing to come out of the Muslim world is Algebra.


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