Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Statler and Waldorf Quotes

(For the woefully uninformed: Statler and Waldorf were a couple of cantankerous old geezers who originally sat in a balcony seat during The Muppet Show and heckled the show, cast, and guests. And they would invariably find themselves hysterical and burst into laughter following their tirades.)


Waldorf: They aren’t half bad.
Statler: Nope, they’re ALL bad!

~~~~~

Statler: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.
Waldorf: Why do you care? You don’t have a life on THIS one!

~~~~~

Waldorf: What’s all the commotion about?
Statler: Waldorf, the bunny ran away!
Waldorf: Well, you know what that makes him…?
BOTH: Smarter than us!

~~~~~

Statler: Boo!
Waldorf: Boooo!
Statler: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
Waldorf: It was terrible!
Statler: Horrendous!
Waldorf: Well it wasn’t that bad.
Statler: Oh, yeah?
Waldorf: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
Statler: Well, I liked a lot of it.
Waldorf: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
Statler: It was great!
Waldorf: It was wonderful!
Statler: Yeah, bravo!
Waldorf: More!
Statler: More!
Waldorf: More!
Statler: More!

~~~~~

Waldorf: That was wonderful!
Statler: Bravo!
Waldorf: I loved it!
Statler: That was great!
Waldorf: Well, it was pretty good.
Statler: Well, It wasn't bad.
Waldorf: There were parts that weren't pretty good, though.
Statler: It could've been a lot better.
Waldorf: I didn't really like it.
Statler: It was pretty terrible.
Waldorf: It was bad.
Statler: It was awful!
Statler & Waldorf: Terrible! Eh, boo!

~~~~~

Statler: Brilliant!
Waldorf: Ah, it was terrible.
Statler: Well, it was good.
Waldorf: Ah, it was very bad.
Statler: Well, it was average.
Waldorf: Ah, it was in the middle there.
Statler: Ah, it wasn't that great.
Waldorf: I kind of liked it.
Statler: It was terrible!
Waldorf: I loved it!
Statler: Get 'em off!
Waldorf: MORE!

~~~~~

Statler: Well, that was different.
Waldorf: Yep. Lousy...
Both: ...but different!

~~~~~

Statler: I like the steel Drums!
Waldorf: What?!?
Statler: THE PIGS' STEEL DRUMS!!!
Waldorf: I believe it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!

~~~~~

Statler: Can you sing tenor?
Waldorf: What?
Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here?

~~~~~

S: He was doing okay until he fell off the stage.
W: Wrong. He was doing okay until he came ON the stage!

~~~~~

Waldorf: You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen.
Statler: Why Aspen?
Waldorf: Cause it's all downhill from here!

~~~~~

Waldorf: You know, the opening is catchy.
Statler: So is smallpox.

~~~~~

Statler: Well, how do you like the film?
Waldorf: I’ve seen detergents leave a better film than this.



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