Sunday, April 30, 2017
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Crack the Code
India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha November Romeo Echo Alpha Delta Tango Hotel India Sierra India Mike November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Limo Echo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar Whisky November November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Exho Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform
Friday, April 28, 2017
Let's all take a moment and thank Jupiter
(via)
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an
Irishman are all scheduled to give speeches to the Royal Deaf-Mute Society. All
are intent on making an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first, and to
the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his
groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
“Well,” he explained, “by rubbing
my chest I indicated breasts and thus ladies, and by rubbing my groin I
indicated balls and thus gentlemen. So my speech started: ‘Ladies and
Gentlemen.’”
On his way up to the podium the
Scotsman thought to himself, “I’ll one-up that English bastard!” He started his
speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also
rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished, his colleagues asked what he
was doing.
“Well,” he explained, “by imitating
antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying,
‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.’”
On his way up to the podium the
Irishman thought to himself, I’ll show those bastards!” He started his speech
by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his
groin, and then miming masturbation. When he finished, his colleagues asked him
what he was doing.
“Well,” he explained,” by imitating
antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin, and then miming masturbation, I
was starting my speech by saying, ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great
pleasure...’”
Thursday, April 27, 2017
The job interview
A man with a winking problem
applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
“Looking at your résumé, I can see
that you’re more than qualified,” says the interviewer. “Unfortunately, we
can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire
you.”
“But wait,” says the man. “If I
take two aspirin, I stop winking.”
“Then show me,” replies the
interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants
pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and
colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and
immediately stops winking.
“It’s great you stopped winking,”
says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the
country.”
“What do you mean?” asks the man.
“I’m happily married.”
“How do you explain all the
condoms?” asks the interviewer.
“Oh, that,” sighs the man. “Have
you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Website Wednesday 17.17
Website
Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
It’s really interesting to be alive in America at this
point in history
because it’s like the collapse of the Roman Empire, but
with WiFi.
Top of the heap: The Web's Funniest Stories (this should keep you busy for days)
The Top 10 Misconceptions About the Titanic
Spaceships in Alderaan Places - 100 Vehicles From Star Wars (Thanks, Rynier)
World Champion Freedivers, Stunt Doubles, and Sharks (Thanks, Beth!)
Joaquin Murietta - The Real Zorro?
Rethinking Critical Thinking With the Help of Carl Sagan
Stop Worrying That You Worry Too Much
19 Fictional Characters Whose Names You Don't Know
10 Things You Should Never Do to Your Lawn
New Super-Earth May Be the Best Bet Yet for Finding Signs of Extraterrestrial Life
Got a big tax refund? Here's what you should - and shouldn't - do with it
14 Simple Ways to Actually Improve Your Handwriting
A Letter to the Administrator of the EPA (from a 30-year employee who is heading out the door)
Bizarre Sports News From North Korea
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_ಠ
Website Wednesday archives
(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot
me an email and let me know)
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
The Frugal Nun
A frugal nun decided that it was much
cheaper to just dye the color back into her worn out clothes instead of buying
new clothes.
Every year, the nun would go to a
nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.
When she returned to the store for
the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clothes. When she came back to get her
clothes, they were stiff and uncomfortable. She complained to the store manager
and asked why that happened to her clothes.
The store manager replied:
"Well, Sister, old habits dye
hard."
