An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all scheduled to give speeches to the Royal Deaf-Mute Society. All are intent on making an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first, and to the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained, “by rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus ladies, and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus gentlemen. So my speech started: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen.’”

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself, “I’ll one-up that English bastard!” He started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished, his colleagues asked what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained, “by imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying, ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.’”

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself, I’ll show those bastards!” He started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then miming masturbation. When he finished, his colleagues asked him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained,” by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin, and then miming masturbation, I was starting my speech by saying, ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure...’”