Speech to the Middle School Students at Le Lyceé Français de Los Angeles

SKIPNOTE: Back in 2003, I was asked to give the Commencement address to the graduating seniors of Le Lyceé Français de Los Angeles, the French school that both my boys were attending (as elementary school students). the following year, my eldest had moved into the Middle School, and headmaster asked if I would consider talking to HIS students. The following is that speech:

SPEECH TO THE LE LYCÉE FRANÇAIS DE LOS ANGELES MIDDLE SCHOOL

February 9, 2005

When I mentioned that I was going to be speaking here today, my friends were curious. They wanted to know what on earth I was going to say to middle school students? So, I put the monkey on their back and asked them, what do you wish someone had told you back in middle school? Their answers were remarkably similar. So I'm going to tell you what we all wish someone had told us.

I'll start by telling you something you don't have to know in middle school: what you want to do with your life. People are always asking you this, so you think you're supposed to have an answer. But adults ask this mainly as a conversation starter. They want to know what sort of person you are, and this question is just to get you talking. They ask it the way you might poke a hermit crab in a tide pool, to see what it does.

I’m a big believer in education. I’ve always told my sons that the biggest value of an education is that it gives you options. With an education, you MAY end up sweeping floors or working at McDonalds, but you’ll be doing it because you choose to, not because you have to.  That’s what school is all about, guys – options. The more options you have, the happier you’re going to be in your life’s work.

But here’s a newsflash: regardless of what anyone has told you - you don't need to be in a rush to choose what you want to do. What you need to do instead is to discover what you like. You have to work on stuff you like if you want to be good at what you do.

Besides…  figuring out what you want to be when you grow up is harder now than ever before. How come? Because a good number of the jobs a lot of you are going to end up doing… haven’t been invented yet!  The world is changing so quickly that I’m not sure it’s all that great an idea to have fixed plans.

I think a better solution is to work from the other direction. Instead of working backward from a goal, work forward from promising situations. This is what most successful people actually do anyway.

The way we’ve always done it is, you decide what you want to be “when you grow up,” and then ask: “What should I do now to get there?” Maybe a better idea might be not to commit to anything in the future, but just look at the options available now, and choose those that will give you the most promising range of options afterward.

It's not so important what you work on, so long as you're not wasting your time. Work on things that interest you and increase your options, and worry later about which you'll take.  Be curious about things.  Ask questions.  Curiosity turns work into play. For Einstein, relativity wasn't a book full of hard stuff he had to learn for a test. It was a mystery he was trying to solve. So it probably felt like less work to him to invent it than it would seem to someone now to learn it in a class.

Do you think Shakespeare was gritting his teeth and diligently trying to write Great Literature? Of course not. He was having fun. That's why he was so good. The important thing is to get out there and do stuff. Instead of just waiting to be taught, go out and learn, as well.

Here’s something I wish I’d known when I was a kid: complaining without a solution is just whining.  Everybody gets turned off by whiners.  Your teachers, your parents, even your friends.  If you just go on and on complaining about stuff, they’re gong to eventually tell you, “Y’know… pipe down.”  Hey. I'm not telling you you can't complain.  Complaining’s great! It’s one of life’s great pleasures! But don't just drone on and on about what's wrong with your class, or your teacher, or with your appearance, or with anything – up to and including the state of the world - without an idea of how to fix it. 

Yeah, the state of the world.  This world is not the same one I knew.  I promised myself I wasn’t going to say these words, but – “back when I was your age” - middle school didn't even exist.  We called it “Junior High.”  And I had to walk to school in the snow every day.  Ten miles.  Uphill.  Both ways.  (Man, did I ever feel stupid when I found out there was a BUS!)  But it is a different world.  It’s broken.  We – the adults – the “big kids” – we broke it.  And I’m sorry guys, fair or not, it’s going to be up to you to fix it.  You ain’t gonna be able to fix it by whining about it.  Find a cause and get behind it.  But don’t just whine about stuff.  That, in part, is how the world got messed up in the first place.

Another thing I wish I’d known back in middle school was the amount of peer pressure there was going to be. Peer pressure is something you deal with every single day, and you’re going to have to decide for yourself what is, and isn’t, worth doing. You have questions? Talk to your parents. Talk to your teachers.  Hey talk to ME if you need to. But I beg you, be careful out there.

Smoking’s another one.  It was different when I was a kid. My second grade teacher gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then sent us over to arts and crafts to make ashtrays for Mother's Day.  But think about it… she used to give us a lecture about not smoking. Even back when *I* was in school, people were hearing about how smoking was bad for you!  It made you sick!  It killed you!  So why did ANYBODY ever START?  Peer pressure or to “look cool” are really the only reasons people take up smoking.  You know why I don’t smoke?  It’s because nobody ever suggested that I start.  Whenever I’ve been offered a cigarette, I’ve just simply said, “No thanks, I don’t smoke” – and I’ve never had anyone say, “Oh come on.  It’s fun!  It tastes great!  And the smell!  Mmmm!”   Oh, yeah.  The Smell. That’ll spice up your dating life.  Think about it – who wants to kiss someone and smell a Camel?

Now having said all that, allow me to give you one more bit of advice.  Don't believe everything I tell you.  In fact, don’t believe everything ANYONE tells you.  You’re not children anymore. You’re young adults now. And you need to question things, question people. When you were kids, you’d pretty much buy whatever your parents had to say. But let’s face it, that pretty much ended the minute we started telling you how we couldn’t stand the music you were listening to.

I’m NOT saying DIS-believe everything you hear.  Your teachers, your parents, me – we’re not intentionally trying to mislead you.  But sometimes we’re wrong.  Ronald Reagan used to say, “Trust, but verify.”  That’s good advice. Don’t ever stop questioning stuff you’re told.  You absolutely cannot take everything you hear at face value.  Even the Le Lyceé school motto is, “Cogito Ergo Sum” – “I think, therefore I am.”  Not to be confused with my crazy Uncle Phil’s motto, “Cogito EGGO sum.”  “I think, therefore I am a waffle.”

A&E did a “Biography on Neils Bohr awhile ago.  Often referred to as, “The Father of Quantum Physics,” Bohr was a world-famous nuclear physicist, and would often give lectures – not just to other groups of scientists or world leaders – but to school kids, as well.  And he had a signature phrase to his lectures.  Whenever and wherever he’d speak, he’d always start his lectures with this comment:  “Whenever you hear an assertion, think of it as a question.”

Now why would this world famous scientist tell not just other groups of scientists, but SCHOOL children, to question every assertion they ever heard?  Assertions present themselves as what?   (Facts)  And if it’s a fact, it’s got clearly defined limits.  What was an assertion that went unquestioned throughout years of history (the world was flat).  Was that ever true?  (No) But was it ever true as a limit?  What changed it?  First, someone had to question it, THEN they tested it out. Trust, question and verify.

Here’s something you should question – when people tell you to “grow up.”  I’ll let you in on a little secret - people never really “grow up,” they just learn how to act in public.  Look, you’re going to have to take things seriously – but don’t ever let anybody tell you to take things TOO seriously – especially yourselves.  Find humor – even the darkest times, learn to laugh – especially at yourself.  If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places. 

SPEAKING of that, there’s no way you’re going to believe THIS yet, but looks aren’t everything.  Of course that’s hard to believe, with all the marketing and the movies being geared toward the “beautiful people.” 

But listen, how you look is so much less important than who you are.  Your happiness has a whole lot more to do with how you see the world than how the world sees you.

Everybody has a pearl inside of them. This? This body? This shell? This is just the oyster. And the oyster is nothing but a shell that conceals the pearl within. (Well, that, and oyster guts.)

Last thing I wish I’d known in middle school – finish what you start.  Don’t quit.  (Unless we’re still talking about smoking.) 

Ladies and gentlemen of the middle school of Le Lyceé Français, my time is up.  You are a remarkable group of people, and I know that your teachers and parents join me in our delight with you, and our expectations for you.  Thank you very much for allowing me to speak with you.