Shower Thoughts

It must have sucked to be one of the servants in The Beast's castle and be turned into an appliance forever just because your boss was an asshole.

Somewhere in the galaxy, your childhood is still currently visible. Your past self still exist, traveling through space at the speed of light.

Out of necessity, human beings have developed the tendency occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, to check for predators, to check on children and livestock, and to tend the fire in the hearth before going back to sleep. I use it to check on social media.

If you wanna know where the kids are in the house, just turn off the internet. They'll show up.

Some rockstar should stop mid-show and just say, "Hey Siri, text my mom, "I'll be home late from this awesome concert tonight because I'm going to have unprotected group sex." Then pause a second and say into the mic, "send it."

I never notice the ringing in my ears until some asshat mentions tinnitus.

Are my boogers scentless? Or have I become desensitized to the smell of my own boogers?

A shelled peanut has no shell, but an unshelled peanut HAS a shell.

A corn is not acorn. Acorn is not a corn.

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