Sunday, March 25, 2018

Random Status Updates

You know, it’s really annoying when girls say they can’t find a guy, yet they ignore me. It’s like saying you’re hungry when there’s a hot dog on the ground outside.

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Dystopian movies misled us into thinking that the corporations we would all be slaves to would have cool names like “Cyberdyne Systems Corporation” or “Tyrell Industries” instead of dorky ones like “amazon” or “disney”

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The word “diputseromneve” may LOOK ridiculous, but spelled backwards it’s even more stupid.

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If you can’t think of a word, say, “I forget the English word for it.” 

That way, people will think you’re bilingual instead of just an idiot.

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It took me 67 years to realize Saturday has a turd in it.

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Summer Olympics:
     Who can run the fastest?
     Who can swim the fastest?
     Who can jump the farthest?

Winter Olympics:
     WHO CAN MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE SLIDE OF DEATH AND SURVIVE?
     WHO CAN GET AROUND THE RINK WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS SLICED OFF BY OTHER BLADES?
     CAN THIS GUY DO A 180-DEGREE FLIP WITHOUT DYING?

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So, the only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis, who played Gollum.


I guess that means… they’re the Tolkien white guys.

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I refuse to eat at Chick-Fil-A because it reinforces the stereotype that Southerners can’t spell.

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Job interview at the White House: “Where do you see yourself in 5 minutes?”


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