Some Notes on How to Adult

Generic is almost always as good as name brand, but there are some things you never buy generic, including peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, and Chips Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies.

Everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you.

Do the dishes before the sink starts growing its own ecosystem.

Never put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.

If you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.

Tip at least 15%.

The best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese.  Their horror may result in twenty buck and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner.”

Dollar store batteries work just as well as name brand.

If you have a uterus, make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths help, and ginger tea is excellent for any nausea.

No, seriously… NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher.

If you ever do accidentally lapse and put Dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent geos. That’ll clean it out.

If you live off Ramen, add veggies to it. Also, don’t use the whole flavor packet (to cut down on sodium and MSG), or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.

Potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.

Acetone (found in most nail polish removers) dissolves Super Glue.

Medications:

Buy generic if it’s available. It’s literally the same thing as a brand name, and tons cheaper (usually)

Some names to remember when you’re looking for medicines:

Acetaminophen = Tylenol
Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Don’t take with Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin
Used for pain and fever, and is an anti-inflammatory. Good for period cramps.

Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn
Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout period cramps, tendonitis, headache, backache, and toothache.

Aspirin = Bayer (and generic)
Used for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easier, so should not be used for periods. Reduces risk of heart attacks.

Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin (and others)
Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.

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