In an alternate universe...

It’s the end of the 2016 Presidential race, and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government was in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.

Finally, Barack Obama came up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House, and the person with the best time would become president.

Bernie Sanders went first, but, being as old as he is, took about 24 minutes. Trump went next, and arrived with a time of 19:52. Hillary went last, running as fast as she could, trampling the flowers and shrubs trying in a desperate attempt to beat The Donald’s time. She finally crossed the finish line at just under ten minutes.

Panting furiously, she exclaimed, “Aha! That must be some kind of record!”

“Nope,” said Obama, “Bush did 9:11.”