Friday, December 21, 2018

Jokes, Puns, and One-Liners

How are words like “turnt”, “fleek”, and “bae” understood, but (some) people don’t know how to use “you’re”, “your”, “there”, or “they’re” in a sentence?

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“Vitamin C” is Spanish for “Vitamin Yes”

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On a scale of 1 to invade Russia in the winter, how bad is your idea?

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The sign in the window reads “Cured Meats”. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident, and a prosciutto learns to forgive.

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Me: Excuse me, do you have any books on turtles

Bookstore Employee: Hardback?

Me: Yeah, those are the ones. With the little heads.

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ME: Hello darkness, my old friend
Darkness: I have a boyfriend

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Everybody keeps saying that 2012 Being the End of the World was a hoax, but has any year since then actually felt real???

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One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh, you’re still young. If they panic and start running to you, you’re old.

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I’m at that weird age where I’m too old to be “hip,” but not yet old enough to be “eccentric.”

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I just received a notification that the Bible app on my phone needs an update.  I’m wondering what that’s all about? Did Adam eat another apple?


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