Saturday, September 21, 2019

The 175 Tenets of The Bro Code



175. A bro is NEVER afraid to fail

174. Bros do not pinch


173. Bros only comment on a fellow bro’s fashion choice if that choice will affect the bro’s ability to get laid.


172. Bros never use the term SWAG to describe anything.


171. A bro does not sleep on the same bed as another bro.


170. Bro’s don’t smell each other on purpose.


169. When a bro offers another bro chewing gum, that offer is for two or more pieces, never one!


168. Bro’s don’t touch each others hair.


167. A bro may only ever stop a fellow bro from hooking up with a girl if, and only if, he is 100% sure that said girl is in fact a dude.


166. A bro NEVER under ANY circumstances gets with or even attempts to get with another bro’s girl.


165. If bros share a house/flat/apartment, all bros are obligated to stay out for the evening if a fellow bro wants to entertain a woman.


164. Bros don’t wear turtlenecks


163. Bros don’t giggle.


162. If a bro finds out a girl he has slept with has a serious boyfriend, if possible, he will leave a quarter/penny/coin under his shaving foam or deodorant as an apology and a signal to that bro to get rid ASAP.


161. If a bro wins a trophy that can be in any way used as a cup, he will drink alcohol out of it as soon as possible.


160. Bro’s are not allowed to own/carry a hand bag. Calling it a ‘Man Bag’ does not stop it being a girl’s hand bag.


159. Bros never use the term ‘yolo’


158. Games before dames.


157. A bro doesn’t get lost, he merely finds an alternate route.


156. Bros don’t set other Bros up on blind dates. If a Bro does want to introduce a Bro to a girl, they must show the Bro photos and in no way dress up and over sell it.


155. Bros don’t have a pet cat. The only excuse for a cat living in a Bro’s household is if it belongs to his wife, daughter, female house mate or girlfriend he lives with.


154. Bro’s do not use a photo of their pet, car or children as their profile picture.


153. A bro does not put his hand on another bro’s waist.


152. Bro’s take any opportunity to look down a woman’s low cut top. With the exception of a fellow Bro’s girl, wife or mother.


151. On a bus, A Bro should not sit next to another bro unless it’s the only available seat left.


150. Bro’s DO NOT discuss the events of a bachelor party/weekend with non Bros.


149. Bro’s wear their pants, jeans, trousers, shorts etc, above their ass


148. A Bro always offers his Bro’s a drink when getting one for himself


147. A Bro Never tickles another Bro.


146. A Bro never lets his broken hearted Bro drink alone.


145. A bro never touches another bro’s muscles, no matter how impressive


144. A bro never facetimes, skypes or uses any other kind of visual communication while taking a dump.


143. All bros like steak


142. A Bro always has a condom in his wallet.


141. A bro never lets another bro drink and drive. If your drunk bro puts up a struggle you are permitted to forcefully stop him, in that situation the usual rules of bro combat apply.


140. If you catch your bro’s girl cheating you immediately tell your bro regardless of any possible shitstorm that may arise.


139. Bro’s ONLY get their hair cut at a barber’s, with the exception of shaving the whole head of hair, which can be done at home.


138. When Bro’s hug, they do not close their eyes and/or rest their head on the other bro’s shoulder.


137. When playing or responding to a prank, a Bro’s car is off limits.


136. Dibs cannot be implied, you must call dibs in front of witnesses for any said dibs to be valid with bros.


135. A bro never makes eye-contact with another bro while eating a banana.


134. A Bro never leaves a Bro behind.


133. Bros shall not wear a Fanny Pack/Bum Bag


132. When a Bro leaves his seat, the seat becomes vacant and cannot be reclaimed if a fellow Bro takes it. Lift your feet, lose your seat.


131. Paint Balling is the ONLY combat scenario in which a bro’s balls are not off limits.


130. During Paint Balling activities bro’s do not wipe clean their fellow bro’s protective face masks


129. A bro never rearranges the dishes at another bros house.


128. When a Bro can only take one other bro to something epic (for example. having 1 spare ticket)… The Bro doesn’t show favoritism by choosing a Bro, instead all bro’s are offered a chance to compete in a challenge (or series of challenges) in order to earn the privilege.


127. A Bro and a Brother are not the same thing.


126. A bro does not dare/challenge another bro to do anything they wouldn’t try them self. If the dare/challenge is turned down, the challenger must attempt it before ridicule is permitted.


125. A bro is always psyched. ALWAYS.


124. Bros shall never under any circumstances go and see chick flicks alone. Chick flicks are only tolerated when there is a 100% chance of getting laid.


123. A bro cannot give another bro a Teddy bear.


122. ALL conversations between bros are subject to “bro to bro confidentiality”.


121. A bro must NEVER tamper with another bro’s suit, and must never impede on a bro’s ability to suit up.


120. A bro never shows or tells a crazy chick where his fellow bro lives or stays, only that bro can subject himself to that grief.


119. When a Bro wants to do something stupid, first you try to talk the Bro out of it. If they still want to do it, you film it.


118. At a Bro’s funeral, all other bro’s toast with the deceased’s drink of choice


117. A Bro has to scratch when a Bro has to scratch.


116. A Bro will ALWAYS watch a movie narrated by Morgan Freeman.


115. When a Bro has an itch or needs food and is about to beat a world record, Bro’s scratch that itch and make him any food he wants.


114. If a Bro receives naked picture(s) on his cell phone from a hot chick, his Bros are immediately entitled to view said picture(s), as long as there are no Bros (or any other beings with a Y chromosome) present in the image. In the rare event that this occurs, immediately delete it and never call/text her again.


113. Single Bro’s always try and sit with one seat between them in case any ladies come along that don’t have anywhere to sit


112. Every Bro gets 1 “stay away” card per year to use on a woman they have a special interest in. This can only be applied to single women, who the Bro has known for over 1 month. When applied all other Bro’s are forbidden to date that woman. The year countdown starts from the moment of declaration and is non transferable.


111. If a bro asks you to the match/game you are honor bound to say yes


110. A bro does not cock-block another bro for any reason


109. A bro will answer the phone call of another bro at any time of day for any reason


108. If a chick fight breaks out, all nearby bro’s must be alerted IMMEDIATELY. Furthermore, bro’s DO NOT break up chick fights unless blood is drawn.


107. Bro’s don’t wear flat-brimmed hats


106. Bros DO NOT TOUCH other bro’s drinks without express permission


105. When in doubt, ask your bros.


104. Bros don’t stop to smell flowers


103. Bro’s don’t use emoticons in messages to other bros


102. Bro’s pay for their dates


101. A bro is honor bound to accept all arm wrestling challenges


100. Once shook upon, a bro ALWAYS honors a bet. No matter what the agreed proposition is, the losing bro honors the bet


99. Bro’s don’t wear skinny jeans


98. Bro’s don’t share details about their “little bro” with other bro’s


97. A bro does not allow his bro to drunk dial or text his ex. This is one of very few situations where a punch to the groin is acceptable, your bro will thank you for it later.


96. Bro’s don’t pout for photos


95. A Bro never keeps a photo of his Bro in his wallet


94. When a Bro has a kid, his Bros become honorary uncles.


93. A Bro of a Bro is a Bro to you.


92. Bros take care of their fellow bros when they have too much to drink


91. A Bro DOES NOT choose his own nickname. A nickname is bestowed upon you by your fellow bros, either as a punishment or a reward for epic deeds.


90. A Bro does not bitch, he asks for help and/or advice before any details of the issue are spoken. Furthermore, a Bro only speaks about his trivial problems to highlight the comical and unusual, otherwise he is on his own.


89. Bros don’t use umbrellas


88. A Bro never uses another Bro’s toothbrush


87. Bros DO NOT take Facebook slut style photos of themselves in the mirror.


86. A Bro never wears Crocs


85. A Bro never asks another Bro to come with them to the bathroom


84. A Bro is not expected to notice another Bro’s new haircut


83. Bros don’t wax their body hair


82. All Bro’s are required to take turns and share the role as ‘designated driver’ unless you get a taxi, in which case all Bro’s are expected to chip in an even share of the fare.


81. A Bro doesn’t un-friend his Bro on Facebook


80. When a Bro asks another Bro to look after their drink, a Bro never tampers with it. Pranks and/or revenge never involve a another Bro’s drink.


79. A Bro DOES NOT masturbate in front of other bros, or anyone else.


78. Bros DO NOT make eye contact while at urinals, and DO NOT take a peek at their bro’s little bro.


77. A girl can be a bro if and only if….


76. A bro always has his bro’s back


75. If a married bro is out with a single Bro/s, it is implicit that said married bro be the brunt of any jokes and is expected to jump on any grenades that may aid or prevent the single bro from scoring.


74. A bro never gives another bro the silent treatment


73. If a bro finds his bro’s girlfriend repulsive, he shall not say anything until they have broken up


72. A bro never catches a cold. Only women catch colds, bro’s are struck down with Man Flu.


71. A bro always takes a piss standing up.


70. If your team beats your Bro’s team, you have 24 hours to rub it in


69. All bro’s are distracted by the number 69 and it’s sexual meaning, rendering all bros unable to read anything immediately after this number.


68. A bro will always verify another bro’s story when he is trying to score


67. A Bro Never Uses A Urinal That’s Right Next To The Other Bro


66. A Bro Always Admits When He Farted


65. Bro’s don’t quote Oscar Wilde


64. When a Bro is in doubt, he shall consider the actions of Chuck Norris before making a decision.


63. No sex with you Bro’s ex. It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex.


62. A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.


61. A Bro doesn’t listen to chick music…in front of other Bros.


60. A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion.


59. When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers.


58. A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find his face covered in drawings and shaving foam.


57. When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.


56. If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what condition the car is in, before asking if his Bro is okay.


55. If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back.


54. Every Bro knows a Bro who is the worlds best at something.


53. If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a joke.


52. If a Bro should fail at anything during sporting activities or games, he is required to make an excuse for himself, it is always the ball, bat, racket, shoes, glove, controller or equipment’s fault.


51. When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.


50. A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control.


49. A Bro shall not damage another Bros’ chances to score with a chick.


48. “Clothing optional” doesn’t really mean “clothing optional” to Bros.


47. A Bro doesn’t sing along to music in a bar.


46. If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his Facebook/Twitter the Bro will sign out for him, but only after many many humiliating updates.


45. If a Bro is not invited to another Bro’s wedding, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it.


44. The mum of a Bro is always off-limits.


43. A Bro never wears socks with sandals.


42. If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave.


41. Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least start a fire.


40. If a Bro is in the toilet and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees.


39. Bros don’t speak French to each other.


38. A Bro shows up at another Bro’s party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink.


37. If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro’s car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations.


36. A Bro never questions another Bro’s stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it.


35. If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.


34. If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize, that’s what women do.


33. A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.


32. A Bro ALWAYS enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him.


31. Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a Douche.


30. A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.


29. A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with a condom when he scores.


28. In the event that two Bros clock/lock on to the same woman, the Bro who has been without woman the longest is given first shot, a shot that must be taken within 24 hours, before being passed on.


27. A Bro doesn’t grow a moustache.


26. A Bro never borrows or lends clothes to another Bro.


25. A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on all Bro holidays, such as St. Paddy’s Day.


24. A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday.


23. If a Bro accidentally strikes another Bro’s crotch while walking, both silently agree to act as if nothing happened.


22. A Bro never publicly reveals how many women he’s slept with, And never reveals how many women another Bro has slept with.


21. A Bro never wears pink


20. A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro


19. When greeting another Bro, never engage in a full embrace.


18. A Bro never cries. With the exception of being physically threatened by Chuck Norris.


17. Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.


16. A Bro never rents a chick flick.


15. Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil’s Three-way.


14. When using urinals, a Bro stares straight ahead AT ALL TIMES.


13. A Bro doesn’t allow another Bro to get married until he’s at least thirty.


12. A Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.


11. A bro will not sleep with another bro’s sister. However, a bro is allowed to be vocal about her level of attractiveness.


10. If a bro leads a beer/food run, he is entitled to any and all left over change.


9. A bro never dances with his hands above his head.


8. Bros do not share dessert.


7. A bro is honor bound to aid his bros in moving house, DIY, and any other physical labor. A cold, fresh pint is always reward enough for helping.


6. A bro never sends a birthday card to another bro.


5. A bro shall not gaze at a naked bro, if for ANY reason a bro gets naked, all other bros will act as if nothing is out of the ordinary, averting their eyes away. If the towel drops, so do your eyes.


4. Whether a Bro is into sports or not, a Bro picks a team and supports them until his dying breath.


3. If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when fully grown.


2. A bro is always allowed to do something stupid as long as his bros are doing it.


1. Bros before hoes – A ‘hoe’ is defined as any woman that is not your wife or any other direct family.




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