Random Status Updates

I really like the word “frequently,” and I try to use it as often as I can.

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Rock climbing doesn’t make sense. The earth is the largest rock any of us will ever stand on. By standing on the earth, you have stood on the biggest rock. You’re done. You’ve peaked. Go home.

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I have a certain affinity for the Nativity Story. As it so happens, I, too, have woken up in a pile of barn hay surrounded by sheep.

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End of the Year Thoughts:

Bill Nye’s full name is really Bill New Year’s Eve

~ and ~

Barbara Walters should host the New Year’s Eve TV show tonight, just so when the bell drops, she can say, “I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020.”

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I’m trying my best to get into the spirit of the New Year, but the damn bottle just… won’t… open…

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“When I have kids, they will never…”

Spoiler Alert: They will. Oh, they will.

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Pros of wearing all black: I look badass!

Cons of wearing all black: Everybody knows when I eat powdered donuts.

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I can’t sleep at night, so I go and raid the refrigerator.

I have insom-nom-nom-nomnia.

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Prince Harry, dude. Trust me. Being “financially independent is way-y-y-y overrated.

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Dear Science:

You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama.

A llama named Dolly.

A Dolly Llama.

That is all.

Send.