Thursday, March 4, 2021

Random Status Updates

Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain.
Me: Deal

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I’m not saying that you shouldn’t trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPad’s I’ve won and the number of iPad’s I own.

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Okay, quick: name someone who made such a bad impression on you that it completely eliminated an option of a baby name. Go.

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Okay, how does this work? Do the Chiefs get their land back now, or what?

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Wait, so there’s an Amazon River now? What next? Mount Facebook? Lake Instagram?

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Before you start popping bubble wrap, remember the air in it is from China…

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If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly, orderly, orderly line

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I want to lose 50 pounds and have a six-pack, but at what cost? Eating right? Exercising? Absurd.

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There is no physical evidence that today is actually Wednesday. We just have to hope that someone kept count since the first one.

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How do you know if someone is hitchhiking or just complimenting your driving skills?


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