TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "Grandmother's Song" by Steve Martin

Grandmother's Song

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,

Be gentle and peaceful each day,

Be warm and human and grateful,

And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,

Be witty and happy and wise,

Be honest and love all your neighbors,

Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,

Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,

Criticize things you don't know about,

Be oblong and have your knees removed.

Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,

Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,

Put a live chicken in your underwear,

Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

(Okay everybody!)

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,

(Good!)

Be gentle and peaceful each day,

Be warm and human and grateful,

And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,

(Everybody on this!)

Be witty and happy and wise,

Be honest and love all your neighbors,

Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant. 

(Let 'em hear you outside!)

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,

(Everybody sing!)

Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,

Criticize things you don't know about,

Be oblong and have your knees removed.

(Ladies only)

Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,

(Now the men!)

Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,

(Every body!)

Put a live chicken in your underwear,

Go into a closet and suck eggs