Which paint to use
Oil-based on raw wood exteriors; latex everywhere else. Flat on walls, semigloss on moldings, semigloss or high-gloss on kitchen and bathroom walls. For oil-based paints, use bristle brushes and clean up with paint thinner; for latex, use nylon brushes and clean up with warm, slightly soapy water.
The best and worst bets in Vegas
In the long run, the best game to play is blackjack—play smart and the house edge is only half a percent, i.e., the casino averages just 50¢ profit on each $100 bet. Throw in card counting and you can sometimes gain a tiny advantage over the house, at least until they smash your thumbs with a ball-peen hammer. Worst bet: slot machines.
How to make rubber cement
Dissolve bits of rubber (old sneakers, police-car tires) in gasoline, using just enough liquid to do the job. Warning: Rubber cement doesn’t work on condoms, cheapskate.
Who painted the poker-playing dogs?
Cassius Marcellus Coolidge (1844–1937). The name of the painting is No Monkeying, and you can get a reproduction for $15 by calling The Print Gallery at (800) 848-4278.
The best time of day to buy shoes
Late afternoon, when your feet have swollen to their largest size.
Why girth beats length
Most of the vagina’s nerve endings are in its outermost third. As long as you’re not lost in your own pubic hair, you’re probably long enough.
How to keep chisels and other bladed tools rust-free
Store them in wooden boxes. The wood absorbs moisture in the air, preventing rust.
The just-to-be-sure testicle check
The American Institute for Cancer Research recommends you give your balls a once-over once a month. Right after you shower:
1. Stand in front of the mirror and check for swelling on the skin of the scrotum.
2. Roll each testicle between the thumb and index finger; this shouldn’t be painful. Don’t worry if they’re slightly different sizes, but take note if one’s a significantly larger than the other. Feel for lumps.
3. Check the epididymis, the tube behind each testicle. (This ferries sperm from the testis to the outside world.)
4. If you feel pain or find lumps anywhere, see a doctor. You may just have an infection, but it could be the Big C, and getting the news early is absolutely key to keeping trouble at bay. (FYI, women are often the first to detect testicular lumps in their partners.)
How to win more coin tosses
Always call tails. On U.S. coins, the heads side, with its big, solid portrait, weighs infinitesimally more: In the course of 10,000 tosses, the lighter tails side will come up an extra 50 or so times.
The logic behind Mount Rushmore
Washington—the nation’s founding
Jefferson—the nation’s political philosophy
Lincoln—the nation’s preservation
Roosevelt—the nation’s expansion and conservation
The Rolling Rock bottle mystery
The mysterious “33” printed on bottles of Rolling Rock immediately below the company motto is an accident: It’s the proofreader’s count of the number of words in the motto, and the printers left it in. The 33 words: Rolling Rock / From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe. We tender this premium beer for your enjoyment, as a tribute to your good taste. It comes from the mountain springs to you.
The little “threads” floating in your eyes when you look at the sky are called floaters. They’re the remains of the hyaloid artery, which carried blood to your eye when you were still in your mommy’s tummy and which disintegrated shortly after your birth. Floaters can be removed by thrusting a sharp stick straight into the center of the eyeball. (Warning: Pain and extreme blindness will result.)
What temperature to serve wine at
Quality reds: 59°–65°F; lesser reds, rosés, complex whites: 50°–55°F; typical whites: 46°–50°F; sweet whites, champagne: 43°–46°F.
How to let red wine “breathe”
Decant it into glasses; leaving it in the bottle doesn’t do jack. Let old reds breathe for one hour; younger reds need two to three hours.
How to keep her pregnancy-free
A woman’s most fertile in the middle of her menstrual cycle, meaning she’s least likely to get pregnant if you have sex just before or just after her period. Particularly if there’s a condom or two on your johnson.
How to catch bigger fish
Cast your line close to the bank. The current in the middle of a stream is four times faster than that near the bank, and the faster the water, the smaller the fish.
Never rub snow on frostbite, put butter on a burn, or try to “cut out” or suck the poison from a snakebite
All are of the sounds-so-stupid-it-must-be-true school of misguided folk wisdom. Instead: Put frozen extremities in cold water to which you gradually add hot water; clean and carefully bandage burns; and leave snakebites alone, just send for help and stay as still as possible. And try to get some sleep—sounds like you had a rough day.
What that weird metallic taste in your mouth when you chew on aluminum foil is Electric current. The aluminum reacts with the water and fillings in your mouth to form a tiny battery.
Why left-handed pitchers are called southpaws
Because their left arms point south during games. How so? Baseball diamonds are oriented such that batters face east so they don’t look into the sun during afternoon games. Go ahead, draw it on a napkin.
The logic behind area-code numbers
The three-digit codes were assigned back in 1948, when all phones were rotary. To keep traffic lines clear, the quickly dialed low-digit codes were doled out to the most frequently called places: Manhattan got 212, L.A. 213, Chicago 312, etc. Nowadays push buttons have obliterated this concern, which is why Brooklyn’s 718 is no problem.
How to preserve meat in the wild
Slice your kill into long, thin strips; knead tons of salt into it; then cover the meat (to keep the flies off) and let it sit for four hours. Spread it out under a hot sun for a few days to dry it, or smoke it over burning green twigs for 24 hours. When dry and shriveled, the meat will last a year and can be eaten right from the jerky bag.
The remedy for poison ivy
Baking soda and water. Lather, rinse, repeat.
How the Wint-o-green Lifesavers spark works
The phenomenon of crunched Wintogreen Lifesavers sparking in the dark is called triboluminescence. Chewing on the sugar crystals momentarily releases electrons, giving the crystals a positive charge; nitrogen molecules in the air, their outer electrons attracted to the charge, stick to the electron-free zones on the crystals. The electrons from the sugar crystals, returning, crash into the nitrogen molecules, releasing ultraviolet radiation. And methyl salicylate, the wintergreen flavoring used in Life Savers, glows blue when flooded by UV rays. Tastes great, too.
How to make a clambake
Build yourself a big ol’ raging bonfire, then find a shitload of stones and throw ’em all into the embers. When the stones are hot as hell, kick ’em around so they form a layer, throw wet seaweed on top, dump the clams on top of that, and toss more seaweed on top of the clams. Pound beer for 45 minutes to an hour until clams signify doneness by opening up; chow down. Don’t eat clams that don’t open.
The Seven Wonders of the Modern World
(compiled in 1931, after we’d thrown up the Empire State Building)
• Empire State Building (U.S.)
• The Great Pyramids at Giza (Egypt)
• Leaning Tower of Pisa (Italy)
• Washington Monument (U.S.)
• Eiffel Tower (France)
• Taj Mahal (India)
• Hagia Sophia (Turkey—apparently some tasty delicacy)
The skinny on the citizen’s arrest
In the Middle Ages (that’s yesterday for Nebraskans), believe it or not, you had approximately as much authority as the sheriff to make an arrest. Thanks to the legal tradition of posse comitatus, or “power of the county,” and our citizens’-rights-preserving Ninth Amendment, you still retain much of that power. Generally speaking, you can arrest and detain a criminal suspect if the crime was committed in your presence or you have good reason to believe the guy’s guilty (unfortunately, he can’t just look funny); if the crime is a felony; or if you can turn the person over to a real cop in timely fashion. Beyond this, laws vary from state to state: In liberal Massachusetts, you can be sued by your detainee for false arrest/imprisonment, while in badass Kentucky you’re actually allowed to kill your suspect if he tries to flee. In no state are citizens permitted to flay live detainees and/or make them eat their own testicles.
How to relieve thirst in the wild
A pebble held in the mouth will stimulate saliva production and kill that dry-mouth feeling. Stay on the lookout for neon bar signs.
There are seven days in the week because the ancients counted seven “wandering stars” in the heavens
These were sun (Sunday), the moon (Monday), and the five visible planets. Although the planets were all named for Roman gods—Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, and Saturn—the names of our days (apart from Saturn’s day, Saturday) come to us from their Norse counterparts: Tiw’s day, Woden’s day, Thor’s day, and Freya’s day.
One great Apocalypse Now monologue, by Captain Willard
“Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I’d never want another.”
To ward off diseases, wear gloves, not a face mask
Handshakes transmit viruses seven times more effectively than sneezes do.
The battle in which the most U.S. military personnel were killed or wounded
Antietam, hands down: September 17, 1862, with a sausage-factory-like 22,726 casualties. A turning point in the Civil War, the battle for this Maryland creek provided the country its bloodiest day ever, partly because it was so pivotal (the Union victory ended Lee’s invasion of the North, turning the tide against the Confederacy), but mostly because Americans fought on both sides and basically blew the shit out of each other instead of, you know, the Vietnamese or something. This single day’s work cost more American lives than the Revolution, the War of 1812, the Mexican War, and the Spanish-American War combined. Oh, yeah, and the Gulf war. Nine times as many fell here as bloodied the beaches on D-day. You get the drift.
How to say “You are beautiful” to girls of other lands
• In Spain: “Usted es hermosa” (oo-sted ess er-mo-sa) • In Portugal: “Você é bonita” (vo-say eh boo-nee-ta) • In France: “Vous êtes belle” (voo zayt bel) • In Italy: “Siete bella” (see-ay-tay beh-la)• In Germany: “Sie sind schön” (zee zint shurn)
Eastwood’s three spaghetti westerns
Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The term spaghetti western comes not from what Clint’s signature badass did to bad guys’ faces, but from the fact that these were Italian films (in this case, directed by Sergio Leone) about the American West.
The fastest production car on earth
The McLaren F1, a bargain at just $1 million, has a top speed something north of 235 mph. It’s also the best accelerator available: Its V-12 lets the F1 rocket to 100 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Trivia tidbits (a handful of oddities worth knowing)
• There’s no such fish as a sardine. Sardine is a generic term used for herring, pilchard, and the other small fish they pack in those little oblong cans. • Chocolate screws up dogs’ hearts. It can be lethal to our canine pals—one Hershey’s bar is more than enough to kill a puppy. • Some bullets can’t be “silenced.” The noise produced by bullets that move fast enough to break the sound barrier, such as the 9 mm, can’t be deadened because the bullets emit tiny sonic booms.• Sharks and crocodiles are not, technically speaking, dinosaurs. The families of both, however, have remained essentially unchanged since the Paleozoic era, making them among the earth’s most long-lived species. • Movie in which the F-Bomb is used the most times: GoodFellas, with 246 occurrences. Runner-up: Scarface, with 206. • Poker’s dead man’s hand, the cards “Wild Bill” Hickok was reported to have been holding when he was shot dead, is aces over 8s. • Greyhounds have the sharpest eyes of any dog breed. You can glaze ’em over good with a nice bag of M&M’s, though. • The first use of the vibrator was the early 1880s, by doctors seeking to combat “female hysteria.” The docs noted the calming effect of the orgasms it produced.
Nine quotations every guy should know
• “When the candles are out, all women are fair.” —Plutarch
• “Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink / For fellows whom it hurts to think.” —A.E. Housman
• “Kill the body and the head will die.” —Joe Frazier
• “A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.” —Rudyard Kipling
• “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.” —George Patton
• “Try everything once except incest and folk dancing.” —Sir Thomas Beecham
• “Some night you’ll catch a punch between the eyes and all of a sudden you’ll see three guys in the ring against you. Pick out the one in the middle and hit him, because he’s the one who hit you.” —Jack Dempsey
• “You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.” —Al Capone
• “I swing big, with everything I’ve got. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can.” —Babe Ruth
Five no-fail fashion rules
• Match the socks to the trousers and you can’t go wrong.
• If you weigh more than you’d like, stick with dark colors. Or hide behind objects even larger than you.
• If you’re investing in one nice suit, you want tropical wool: It’s warm but breathable, so you can wear it all year round.
• Never wear suspenders with a belt. That’s clown shit, man.
• Don’t ever wear any colors named for foods. Red, yes; cranberry, no. Pink, yes; salmon, no.
Things we shouldn’t have to tell you
• You can have long hair, you can have a mustache, and you can wear a pink shirt, but not all three at the same time.
• The Godfather and The Godfather Part II were glorious and magnificent; The Godfather Part III reeked like a burning house made of chicken shit and stuffed with dead dogs.
• The button on the fly of your boxer shorts is just for show.
• When smashing a beer can on your forehead, don’t forget to pinch the sides before making contact. Otherwise you’ll end up with an embarrassing “reverse coaster” on your noggin that will outlast the hangover.
• In reality, Godzilla would beat King Kong’s butt six ways to Sunday. No questions, no contest, just a brutal, one-sided hairy-ass-kicking.
• Protect the testicles.
If you hurt yourself in the wild, clean your wounds with your urine When it leaves the body, it’s sterile, which is more than you can say of any water you’re likely to find.
Cool knowledge nuggets from the world of science
• In a landslide, the millions of tons of soil and rock sliding down a mountain can move so fast the air doesn’t have time to get out from under them. As a result, the mass rides on a cushion of compressed air and may not touch the mountainside at all on the way down, which further accelerates the slide, sometimes to more than 100 mph.
• In case you’re ever trapped in your house by an earthquake, a hurricane, or a pack of hungry zombies, know that there are 30 to 40 gallons of drinkable water in your hot-water heater (turn on the drain faucet at the bottom) and another five to seven in the flush tank of your toilet (serve your mother-in-law first).
• The newest, heaviest dangerously radioactive and ridiculously short-lived element on the periodic table is No. 112, ununbium, discovered in 1996 by Hofmann, Ninov, and Hessberger and made by fusing zinc and lead. Ununbium’s boring name is Latin for “one, one, two—um.” (A disturbing trend: The previous two elements are No. 111, unununium, and No. 110, ununnilium; sadly, we will not see “scoobidoobium” in our lifetime.) The “fat Oprah” of the elements, this transition metal has an atomic mass of 277, with 165 neutrons, 112 protons, and 112 electrons in seven energy levels. Its half-life is just 280 milliseconds—about how long it takes you to break up with a girl after you notice her troll-doll key chain.
How to pick a ripe watermelon
Forget thumping on the hull or pressing the stem end: Color’s the key. The ripest, tastiest melons are an appetizing red on the inside, not that watery, why-bother pink, and that richness of color’s reflected on the outside. Look for a melon whose dark bands are wider than its light bands. The higher the ratio of dark to light outside, the darker the color (and the sweeter the meat) inside. Alternate method: Split it open with an ax and shove some in your face. How was it?
Bump up your chili
Whether or not a man gets into heaven may well depend on his individual chili recipe. Here are three quick tips to boost your big bowl o’ hunka-hunka burnin’ beef.
• Marinate. This is not optional; it tenderizes the meat and brings out the best of its flavor. How long to marinate? All night long is superb, but an hour will do just fine. (Hey, just like threesomes!)
• Sear the meat. After you’ve chopped the beef into cubes, toss ’em around in a skillet over high heat until browned all over. This seals juices and flavor in little meat packages.
• Drop in a cinnamon stick, then remove it before serving. Not cinnamon sugar or that powdered eggnog-dusting stuff, but the real deal. It adds a very cool complexity that guests can’t put their finger on…and can’t get enough of. Trust us.
How to interpret equestrian statues
It is a convention—though one oft refuted—that the stance of the horse clues you in to the fate of the rider: If the horse is rearing, its rider died in battle; if only one leg’s in the air, he was wounded in battle; if all four hooves are on the ground, he died of other causes (usually syphilis).
How Truman and MacArthur fell out
At one point in the Korean War, China intervened on North Korea’s behalf. General MacArthur called for a plan to atomize Manchuria and the cities of mainland China with 30 to 50 nuclear detonations. Truman, on the other hand, wanted to contain the conflict. MacArthur spoke out in the press against the president’s policies. Because the media of the time considered the subject of heads of state getting blow jobs from their interns off-limits, this insubordination was big news. Finally Truman sacked Mac, and the American public went nuts. Congressional Republicans seized upon the uproar and called a hearing about Truman’s war policy. Mac famously testified that there was no substitute for victory and that it was high time America started kicking ass. This partisan power play incited a media frenzy, with the public solidly in the asskicker’s camp. Truman strategically kept mum, his implicit message being that peace was the substitute.
How to remember which hand beats which in poker
The troublesome middle range of the hand hierarchy: A full house beats a flush beats a straight. How to remember this rule? Picture a house surrounding a flush toilet that has a straight piece of something floating in it.
When to split cards in blackjack
To truly maximize your odds, memorize every splitting scenario (and everything else) on the probability-based basic strategy chart, which is available in books and on pocket cards wherever gambling’s legal. If you’ve got better things to do, these four rules of thumb do a damned good job in virtually all splitting situations.
• Always split 8s or aces. Reasoning: You rid yourself of those bust-friendly 16s or 12s.• Never split 10s (or face cards). Reasoning: Only an idiot would give up a pretty-sure-thing 20.• Never split 4s or 5s. Reasoning: You shouldn’t trade in your good chances at 18s or 20s for pairs of crappy 14s or 15s.• Split any other pair when the dealer has a visible 4, 5, 6, or 7. Reasoning: Never miss a chance to double your bet when the dealer’s likely to bust.
How to gauge the doneness of a steak without slicing into it
You can determine when a steak has finished cooking—whether it’s supposed to be rare, medium, or well-done—by giving it the finger. Press your forefinger into it lightly, as if picking up ink from a fingerprint pad, then touch your head and compare their firmness. A well-done steak should feel as firm as your forehead; a medium steak, as firm as your chin; and a rare steak, as firm as the end of your nose. Ain’t that cool?
Why Everest’s just tall enough
Mount Everest, earth’s highest peak, is 29,028 feet tall. If it were much higher, you couldn’t climb it without wearing a spacesuit. At around 35,000 feet, even inhaling 100 percent pure oxygen won’t suffice to keep you alive. Why? Because the extremely low pressure at that altitude lets nitrogen bubbles enter your bloodstream (the phenomenon deep-sea divers call the bends), which leads to embolisms and sometimes death.
Numbers you should know
• Sperm can live in a woman’s body for up to five days.
• You have 100,000 or so hairs on your head; you lose between 25 and 125 a day, more if you work at a magazine.
• Continental drift amounts to about two centimeters a year.
• On the clearest night, under ideal conditions, you can see about 4,000 stars with the naked eye.
• 70 percent of all women can’t reach orgasm from intercourse alone—or won’t, anyway.
• The electricity needed to power a light bulb costs about 1.3¢ an hour.
• Your body contains about 23 feet of small intestine and five feet of large intestine, including the smelly part right at the end.
• Ejaculate exits your wanger at 12 mph.
Test Your Own Blood Alcohol
The legal limit is .08 percent in 16 states, .10 in 34 states. But what does this mean for you in the bar? For a 160-pound guy (chicks and little guys get drunk on less), here’s the guide for drinks consumed in one hour (nursing a drink longer lessens the damage):
Blood-alcohol concentration - Drink equivalent (per hour) - Buzz behavior
• .03 - 2 - A warm sensation addles your brain; you become expert at pinball and expressing affection for your friends, a bit worse at tongue twisters and gear-shifting. • .08 - 4 - Standing, speaking start becoming difficult; you’ve stopped noticing who, if anyone, is paying for your drinks; any words are now fightin’ words. • .18 - 8 - Even a scabby, snaggle-toothed, leprous, two-headed grandmother with British teeth and a peg leg suddenly looks like Scarlett Johannson in a body suit. • .28 - 12 - You piss pants, pass out. • .38 - 16 - Rigor mortis if you’re not dead, you’ll certainly wish you were tomorrow morning.
How to unclasp a bra with one hand
1. With the palm of your dominant hand facing her, slide your middle finger under the bra strap, right between the clasp and her unbelievable body.
2. Pull the clasp out away from her with your middle finger, and pinch the strap between your thumb and ring finger. Pull your middle finger out, and begin to hum “Moon River.”
3.Slowly snap your fingers to accomplish mission. If she has a double-clasp bra, you may have to snap twice; don’t get flustered. Practice on Grandma if necessary.
An easy way to tie on a fishhook
Tie a three- to four-inch loop in the end of your line and poke the loop (not the knot) through the eye of the hook and over the hook itself. Pull. The fishhook can be removed without untying the knot simply by reversing the process.
8 Things You Thought You Knew, But Don’t
Nothing’s more fun than knowing the real scoop and using it to shoot down some misinformed bozo at the bar. In our noble effort to know something about everything, we guys have perpetuated some major misconceptions.
• An American, Abner Doubleday, invented baseball. This myth was purposely fabricated by the dangerously patriotic founder of the Spalding sporting goods company in the early 1900s. In reality, 250 years ago the British were playing a primitive version called both “rounders” and “base-ball”, and Jane Austen refers to baseball by name in 1798’s Northanger Abbey, 40 years before its supposed invention at Cooperstown.
• The Sphinx’s nose was shot off by Napoleon’s troops. Actually, it was busted off in the 1300s by an Islamic militant—they were trouble even then—who considered it a pagan idol and therefore blasphemous.
• A captain of a ship at sea can perform weddings. Seems logical enough, the couple being in international waters and all, but it ain’t true: In fact, U.S. Navy regulations, and those of the navies of many other countries, specifically prohibit ships’ commanders from joining people in marriage.
• Your hair and nails continue to grow after you die. Nope—but the fleshy parts of your body recede from your hair and nails, making them appear longer.
• Bumblebee flight violates the laws of aerodynamics. Nothing that flies violates the laws of aerodynamics—that’s why they’re laws.
• Humans use just 10 percent of their brains. Only true of Home Shopping Network customers. Because the brain’s highly specialized, we only use a tiny fraction of its cells at any one time—it’s closer to 5 percent—but we use virtually all of it over the course of a day.
• Cutting/shaving hair makes it grow faster. Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin: How fast hair grows back, like how quickly a man goes bald, is simply a matter of genetics.
• Einstein was a crappy student. You wish. He was gifted at Latin and Greek as a boy, and doing college-level physics at 11. Yes, he got expelled from high school, but only because he couldn’t master French—and as a pre-WWI German, he probably assumed France would be speaking German soon enough anyway.
Presidential succession
Vice president, speaker of the House, president pro tempore of the Senate, then the secretaries of the cabinet positions in the order of their creation (secretary of state, secretary of the Treasury, etc.).
Mysteries of the English Language
Don’t touch that word or phrase until you know where it’s been. Suspected word origins: a quick language lesson you might actually use.
“Buy the farm” Origin: In the early days of aviation, U.S. pilots sometimes suffered fatal crashes into barns and the like; after a farmer successfully sued for damages, the pilot’s life had effectively paid for the farm.
“Rain cats and dogs”Origin: Dogs and cats used to hunt on the interconnected rooftops of 16th-century London, and powerful downpours would occasionally wash them into the street.
“Flash in the pan”Origin: Early guns required you to light an explosive powder, called priming powder, in the flat “pan” of the gun, which then would set off the main charge and fire ye olde grapeshot or whatever. If the priming burned but didn’t light the main charge, it was just a—well, you know.
“Indian summer”Origin: In 18th-century New England, when the natives were restless, colonists had to hide within the walls of their forts until autumn, when the colder weather kept the Indians away. If summer intruded again for a week or two, it brought the possibility of the Indians’ return. It was not welcome.
“Pull the wool over his eyes”Origin: Wealthy Brits of the 17th and 18th centuries were fond of wearing woolen wigs (Americans took—think George Washington). To punish those engaging in this sissy practice, brigands and highwaymen would tug their victim’s hairpieces down over their faces, the more easily to relieve them of their pounds and pence.
“Red herring”Origin: Smoked herring (the process turns them red) were once used to train dogs to follow a scent; escaped prisoners in the know would try to get a few and toss them around to distract their canine pursuers.
“Bring home the bacon”Origin: From the greased-pig-catching contests at English county fairs. If you held on to the porker, you could take it home and eat it—hence the phrase.
“Red-light district”Origin: In the early days of the railroad, trains’ caution lights were red-painted oil lamps. Railroad workers would carry them around with them between shifts and hang them outside the brothels they frequented.
How to say “I love you” in 13 languages
Japanese “Ai shite imasu” Hawaiian “Aloha wau la oe”Irish “T‡im i ngr‡ leat”Hebrew “Ani ohev otakh”Swedish “Jag lskar dig”German “Ich liebe dich”Eskimo “Nagligivaget”Chinese “Wo ai ni” Spanish “Te amo”French “Je t’aime”Italian “Ti amo” Greek “S’agapo” American “Yobringoverthatsweetstuffbaby”
The secret lives of cartoon characters A few of the famous voices behind the toons.
Pugsley on The Addams Family: Very serious actress Jodie Foster
Shaggy on Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? Grating DJ Casey Kasem
Dr. Venkman on The Real Ghostbusters: Arsenio “Arsenio” Hall
Animal on Jim Henson’s Muppets, Babies & Monsters: Howie Mandel
Barney on The Flintstones: Mel “Bugs Bunny” Blanc
An all-purpose knot worth learning
The bowline (bo-lin), most excellent of all the Boy Scout knots you forgot, is perfect for tying a loop in a string or rope. Whatever size loop you make, it won’t slip once drawn tight—which means it’s ideal for dog leashes, bondage restraints, and the like—yet it can be undone easily no matter how tight you’ve pulled it. Try it out right now with a shoelace: We think you’ll agree.
The long-lost words to the Bonanza theme song
Didn’t know the song had lyrics? They were written for the pilot, but were allegedly deemed so awful they were quietly scrapped immediately thereafter (and even scrubbed from the pilot in reruns). You be the judge. Here’s a sample of the words — you BETTER know the tune.
We got a right to pick a little fight
Bonanza!
If anyone fights anyone of us
He’s gotta fight with me.
We’re not one to stand up and run
Bonanza!
Anyone of us who starts a little fuss
Knows he can count on me.
One for four.
Four for one.
That’s how it must be,
We’ll make our stand
On our land
This we guarantee!
Written by Jan Livingston and Ray Evans. Published by Jay Livingston/St. Angelo Music
Jerry-rig it!
How to turn a coffee cup into a barometer Relatively high air pressure, indicating fair weather, pushes down on the center of the surface of the coffee, and bubbles float to the middle of the cup. Low pressure, indicating clouds and rain, produces a vacuum that pulls up the center of the coffee’s surface and results in bubbles collecting at the rim.
How to turn a watch into a compass
The sun’s position on the compass varies with time of day, as do the positions of your watch’s hands: By combining the two equations, you can solve for direction. Just move your arm so your watch’s hour hand points to the sun. Halfway between the hour hand and the number 12 is south. (The trick doesn’t work at high noon, for obvious reasons—go have a gunfight and try again later.)
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