Random Status Updates

I was born to be wild. 
But only until about 9pm or so.

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It seems to me that Donald Trump taking the credit for President Obama’s economy is like someone inheriting millions from his father and then bragging about what a smart businessman he is.

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I was going to buy some suppositories, but changed my mind after considering all the ramifications.

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The Ghostbusters theme song establishes who I should call in the case of a ghostly emergency, but it doesn’t provide a shred of contact info.

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You know what’s better than singing in the rain? Just about everything.

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I’m thinking that Fitbits are the modern equivalent of Tamagotchies. Except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.

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Whenever I hear someone say, “There’s a special place in Hell reserved for…”, I can’t help but think how insanely well-organized Satan must be.

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Man, I really need to get motivated.
Maybe tomorrow.

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I like going to Subway because I get to feel like I’m making a healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 12 meatballs on it.

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I just wish Medusa would stop objectifying people.