Pull Them All! Pull Them All!

Since Cleveland-based WDOK decided last week to pull “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from its playlist because someone was offended, it seems only fair that these other holiday songs should be removed for the following reasons:

1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: 

(subjecting minors to softcore porn.)

2. The Christmas Song: 

(Open fire? Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation.)

3. Holly Jolly Christmas: 

(Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances.)

4. White Christmas? 

(Racist.)

5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: 

(Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom/stalker.)

6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: 

(Everyone telling you be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression.)

7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: 

(Bullying.)

8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: 

(Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben.)

9. Santa Baby: 

(Gold digger, blackmail.)

10. Frosty the Snowman: 

(Sexist; not a snowwoman.)

11. Do You Hear What I Hear: 

(Blatant disregard for the hearing impaired.)

12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: 

(Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow.)

13. Jingle Bell Rock: 

(Giddy up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse.)

14. Mistletoe and Holly: 

(Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day?)

15. Winter Wonderland: 

(Parson Brown demanding they get married: forced partnership.)

16. Grandma got run over by a reindeer: 

(Elder abuse.)

(via)