Friday, October 31, 2014

Monster Mash - the original and the update! Happy Halloween!

In 1962, Bobby "Boris" Pickett released Monster Mash, which has been a perennial favorite around Halloween ever since.


So now, Barely Political has put together a parody of the original novelty song, with Frankenstein's Monster lamenting the change from classic thrillers to over-the-top gore, and gets visited by a few freaky modern monsters, including Freddy Krueger, Hannibal Lecter, and the Human Centipede.


(PG-13 content)


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From the Vaults - How NOT to Apply For a Job

Skipnote: This one's been around the Series of Tubes since 1997. According to Snopes, it was originally intended as nothing more than a humor piece, but was soon picked up, stripped of its attribution and sent around the Internet as a real application supposedly submitted by a 17 year-old Florida boy who's chutzpah impressed some McDonald's manager to hire him.  

Still, it's funny, so I'm re-posting it!

The original column is here


NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?: Is "felony" sex with a cat? Because if it is... no.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Candy Corn Factoid




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Halloween Drinking Game


My favorite Halloween costume so far...




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Wll played, Coca Cola! Well played.




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Thursday, October 30, 2014

How to Improve Everything You Write



(Thanks, Don!)

The London Lawyer

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop's expense!

Irish cop says, "License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish cop says, "Ye didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says, "Ye still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir."

London Lawyer says, "What's the bloody difference?"

Irish cop says, "The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the hell out of the lawyer and says, "Now, ye English arsehole, do ye want me to stop, completely, or just slow down?"


(Thanks, Lucky!)

Inner Peace


I know, right?


(Thanks, Lesli!)

How Bill Gates counts






Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Loki, you scamp...




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Website Wednesday, the Halloween Edition


Website Wednesday
the Halloween Edition

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail..."





Top of the Heap: 


The 14 Absolute Creepiest Places to Visit in the United States

Related: America's Most Haunted: Six Seriously Spooky Sites

8 Things You Didn't Know About Zombie Movies

20 Fun and Creative Halloween Costume Ideas for Families

Here's a twofer:  Mental Floss has some gruesome and creepy Halloween party food ideas

73 Awkward Halloween Costumes

Find the perfect Halloween Costume

18 Easy, Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

12 Haunted Tours Worth Traveling For (or to?)

Invisible Cowboy Costume  wins $25K

Trick or Treat - Unfortunate Vintage Candy Wrappers

40 Unique and Funny Pop Culture Halloween Costumes

40 MORE Unique And Funny Pop Culture Halloween Costumes

30 Facts About Frankenstein

How Much Would a Pumpkin the Size of Your House Weigh?

Batman in classic movie scenes: Halloween edition


 - Skip    ಠ_ಠ

SKIPNOTE:  If you stop getting Website Wednesday for any reason (AOL users, especially), get the latest issue at the Website Wednesday archives

Adulthood



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WikiHow's "Bada Bing" Method on how to get rid of yellow jackets


I kid you not.

Right here.