Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Eternal Facepalm

This would be SO handy from time to time...






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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

This is what we listened to in 1962




This song spent 12 weeks on Billboard's Top 100 in 1962. Paul Petersen appeared in 275 episodes of "The Donna Reed Show" between the years 1958 and 1966. He turned 69 a month ago.

The Top 10 Veterinarian Pickup Lines


The Top 10 Veterinarian Pickup Lines

10. "Y’know, back at my place, I've got a harness that'll support a two-ton
bull."

  9. "Whoa! Look at THOSE puppies!!"

  8. "Your beak says no, but your tail feathers say yes!"

  7. "Give me a kiss! Give me a kiss! Who's the good girl?!? Yes, you’re the very good girl!!"

  6. "Hey, Baby, has this bar stool already been marked?"

  5. "They say it's a dog-eat-dog world. Rrrrowff!"

  4. "Is it warm in here, or are you in heat?"

  3. "Let's get out of this toilet and go get a real drink."

  2. "Baby, I feel a hose-spraying in our immediate future!"



and the Number 1 Veterinarian Pickup Line...


  1. " ...but that's 21 in dog inches!"


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BONUS:

The Top 10 Reasons to Date a Veterinarian

10. Late night calls are not just for escorts

  9. Exotics … we’re into that kind of thing

  8. We use rubbers (gloves, that is)

  7. Lubing up is recommended, but not required

  6. We prefer animals in the bedroom

  5. Palpation. Yeah, we’re good with our hands.

  4. We know the right ways to pin you down

  3. Mud wrestling: done it.

  2. Mounting blocks – enough said.

And the Number One Reason 
to Date a Veterinarian

  1. Two words: doggie style

There are two kinds of nerds...




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Is it just me...

...or are all Cracker Barrel restaurants a Final Destination movie scene just waiting to happen?




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Monday, October 20, 2014

This is your phone's entire life




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One day, in Kenya...

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was, in fact, that same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.



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Packing essentials for a cruse

1. Empty mouthwash bottles - check
2. Vodka - check
3. Food coloring - check




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Happy Monday, Little Minions!