SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Sunday, May 28, 2017

The true size of the Moon




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Just a baby hippo


Job opening at Microsoft

A jobless man applied for the job of janitor at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him, then watched him clean the floor as a test.

"You are appointed," he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in".

The man replied, "But I've never owned a computer, so I don't have an an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And he who does not exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all.

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket & buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes door-to-door. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.

He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go earlier and return later every single day. Thus, his money grew quickly.

Not too long after, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. Five years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the USA.

He started to plan his family's future and decided to have a life insurance policy. He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan.

When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet you’ve succeeded to build this empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you'd had an email?!?"


The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be a janitor at Microsoft."

I knew it. I just KNEW it.





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Say what you will about Harrison Ford...




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Saturday, May 27, 2017

Relationships


Let's get those salivary glands gushing, shall we?




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The Difference Between Crows and Ravens

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens were, in fact, really two different subspecies of birds, which had been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time.

Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be virtually identical. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their habitat and logging hours of observations. Their beaks were the same, their feet and their bodies showed no variable difference. But, at last, a breakthrough. The long feathers at the tip of a birds’ wings, which are called the pinion feathers (or pinions), provided the conclusion that ravens and crows do, in fact, have one crucial difference. A crow has five pinions, and a pinion has only four.

So therefore, ergo, ipso facto, the difference between crows and ravens is a matter of a pinion.



Awesome, Non-Photoshopped Images

A most inventive subway entrance



Perfectly timed photo, taken at the exact moment
the plane goes supersonic and creates the boom.

Relaxation defined?

Glow sticks attached to a ceiling fan

The Super Moon within a radio telescope

Tianzi Mountains in China
(the inspiration for the landscapes in Avatar)

Mirny, Yakutia, Russia - diamond mine

An invisible reflection

Japanese Hotaru Ika firefly squids



(More here)

The people that get these tattoos...




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Friday, May 26, 2017

Whoops




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What is politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. "Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy dutifully goes off to bed, thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son. Tell me, in your own words, what you think politics is all about."


The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Factoid Friday



Poor Matt Damon...


Just Churchill with a tommy gun


Thursday, May 25, 2017

No respect, I tell you. No respect.




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See what I did there?


Graduation!




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THROWBACK THURSDAY - "When Did You Get Old"

(Originally published on July 5, 2009)


When Did You Get Old?
Okay, here's the deal...using this list, you can pinpoint exactly when middle age kicked in by identifying the first song on the list for which you can’t hum the melody.

* * * * 1964 “A Hard Day’s Night” The Beatles
* * * * 1965 “I Got You Babe” Sonny & Cher
* * * * 1966 “Summer in the City” The Lovin’ Spoonful
* * * * 1967 “Light My Fire” The Doors
* * * * 1968 “People Got to Be Free” The Rascals
* * * * 1969 “In the Year 2525″ Zager and Evans
* * * * 1970 “(They Long to Be) Close to You” The Carpenters
* * * * 1971 “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” Bee Gees
* * * * 1972 “Alone Again (Naturally)” Gilbert O’ Sullivan
* * * * 1973 “The Morning After” Maureen McGovern
* * * * 1974 “(You’re) Having My Baby” Paul Anka with Odia Coates
* * * * 1975 “Jive Talkin’” the Bee Gees
* * * * 1976 “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” Elton John & Kiki Dee
* * * * 1977 “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” Andy Gibb
* * * * 1978 “Miss You” Rolling Stones
* * * * 1979 “My Sharona” the Knack
* * * * 1980 “Magic” Olivia Newton-John
* * * * 1981 “Jessie’s Girl” Rick Springfield
* * * * 1982 “Eye Of The Tiger” Survivor
* * * * 1983 “Every Breath You Take” the Police
* * * * 1984 “Ghostbusters” Ray Parker Jr.
* * * * 1985 “The Power of Love” Huey Lewis & the News
* * * * 1986 “Papa Don’t Preach” Madonna
* * * * 1987 “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” U2
* * * * 1988 “Roll With It” Steve Winwood
* * * * 1989 “Right Here Waiting” Richard Marx
* * * * 1990 “Vision of Love” Mariah Carey
* * * * 1991 “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” Bryan Adams
* * * * 1992 “Baby Got Back” Sir Mix-A-Lot
* * * * 1993 “(I Can’t Help) Falling in Love With You UB40
* * * * 1994 “Stay (I Missed You)” Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
* * * * 1995 “Waterfalls” TLC
* * * * 1996 “Macarena” Los Del Rio
* * * * 1997 “I’ll Be Missing You” Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
* * * * 1998 “The Boy Is Mine” Brandy & Monica
* * * * 1999 “Genie in a Bottle” Christina Aguilera
* * * * 2000 “It’s Gonna Be Me” ‘N Sync
* * * * 2001 “Bootylicious” Destiny’s Child
* * * * 2002 “Hot In Herre” Nelly
* * * * 2003 “Crazy In Love" Beyonce featuring Jay-Z
* * * * 2004 “Confessions Part II” Usher
* * * * 2005 “We Belong Together” Mariah Carey
* * * * 2006 “Promiscuous” Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland
* * * * 2007 “Big Girls Don’t Cry” Fergie
* * * * 2008 “Leavin’” Jesse McCartney


Mine kicked in around 1987 (although I got a few after that). 
What about you? When did YOU get old?


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