Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Sunday, April 23, 2017

An Irish Joke

Finton and Seamus walk into a pet store. Seamus heads straight over to the back of the shop, knowing what he's looking for, and Finton follows shortly behind.

"Dats dem up der!" Says Seamus, pointing at high up bird cage. "Oi'll tek two a dem budgies up der," He says to the shopkeeper, "an wouldya put em in a pepper bag?"

So they leave the shop, hop in a van parked out side, budgies in hand, and they drive off. They drive to the edge of a cliff with a 700 ft drop. They go over to the edge, where Seamus takes out the two budgies and a roll of tape lying around in the van.

He places one budgie on his shoulder and wraps loads of tape around the birds' feet, attaching it firmly to his shoulder. He does the same with the other budgie on his other shoulder. He says to Finton: "You stand ere an watch dis, okay?"

Finton nods his head cautiously, and watches as Seamus takes a long run up and hurls himself off the edge of the cliff, crashing twice along the long drop to his and the budgies' doom. Finton shakes his head slowly, "Oi'm never troyin' dat. Doesn't look very sef..."
He turns around to see a small Toyota pull up, and his mate Brendan steps out with another 'pepper bag': "Y'alright Finton? Where's Seamus?" "Bottom o de cliff." Replied Finton. "Eejit." Chuckles Brendan. "Alright, you'll wanna watch dis I tell ye!"

He then takes a parrot out of the bag, opens the boot of the car and takes out a high calibre handgun. Parrot in hand, he hurls himself of the cliff, clutching onto the poor birds feet. About halfway down he blows the creature's head off, and plummets down to his own death. "Wot were ye tinkin, Brendan!" Mutters Finton, despairingly...

He turns around after hearing another car approaching. A battered old Renault pulls up alongside the other 2 vehicles. Out pops Fergle. "How'reya Finton? Ye ready fer a show?"

"Ye don't haf te do dis. It in't sef. Seamus an Brendan are at de bottom o de cliff, an dey don't look too good..." says Finton.

"Oi'm a trillseeker... it'll be fun!"

He carries on by pulling his 'pepper bag' out the car, and from there removed a large chicken. He placed the chicken between his thighs and flung himself off the edge, before Finton could say anything else. His body lands crumpled with the chicken's, near the two other men's.

"Jaysis!" Says Finton, "Oi told ye! Dese trillseekin sports ain't sef! - First Seamus wit his budgie jumpin,
- then Brendan wit his parrotshooting!

- Now you wit yer feckin henglidin!"

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