SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Random Status Updates

The thing all dystopian movies and books were never able to predict was the sudden rebellion of the National Park Social Media Managers.

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As some of you know, I’m in Florida for the week – playing for the first part and working for the second (sort of like a mullet, often referred to as, “party in the front, business in the back) and I got to thinking. It’s actually a good thing the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida, because then the zombies only have one way to go, and that’s straight up into trigger-happy redneck territory.

I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us all.

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February 10 should be National Fart Day.
Because it’s 2/10.

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I was recently informed that the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is actually targeted toward females.

Apparently it’s about clothes.

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Watching an entire episode of a TV show without looking at your phone now counts as reading a book.

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“You look like a million bucks” is a compliment here in the good ol’ USA. It didn’t, however, go over so well when I was living in England. My girlfriend asked me, “Does this dress make me look fat?”, and I responded with, “Babe, you look like a million pounds.”

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Look, I’m all for America welcoming poor and huddled masses yearning to breathe free. But why would we want *tired* people?

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It’s a little-known fact that Pythagoras had a brother named Viagoras. He, too, had a keen interest in right angles.

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I really like Brazilian food. You almost never find hair in it.

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I always knew I'd love being a father. I still relish my first bonding moment with my newborn son: Looking into his squinting eyes, seeing his tiny hand clasp around my index finger, and me having enough gas handy to make that little tug worthwhile.

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