The Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles started as an informal "drinking club" between World War II pilots, self-described as "an honorable drinking fraternity composed of ladies and gentlemen of the highest morals and good character, who are never vulgar."
To gain admission, one must answer a minimum of four from a list of forty-plus qualifying questions. Each question suggests a vulgar, lewd, or salacious answer, but the actual correct answer is rather innocuous. Once inducted, a member must forever reply to the question, "Are you a turtle?" with one answer, and one answer only: "You bet your sweet ass I am". Otherwise, the member must buy the questioner a drink. It is assumed that all prospective turtles own a diabetic donkey, or one of a sweet and kindly disposition, which is the reason for this password. If the member is unable or unwilling (perhaps because of the restriction on vulgarity) to provide the correct answer, he or she owes to each other turtle present a drink of the recipient's choice. A large part of the tradition of the order involves the qualifying questions that prospective members have to answer. Each of them suggests a vulgar or lewd answer, however the candidate has to provide a completely innocuous answer to the same question.
Here are a few of the questions that are on the official list:
1. You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can’t get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I?
2. What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?
3. I start with a “v” and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I?
4. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?
5. What’s in a man’s pants that you won’t find in a girl’s dress?
6. You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
7. What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
8. If I miss, I might hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?
9. What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
10. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
11. I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
12. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is really long. Michael J. Fox’s is short. Daffy Duck’s isn’t human. Madonna doesn’t have one. What am I?
13. What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
14. I start with a “p” and end with “o-r-n,” and I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I?
15. My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?
16. You get a lot of it if you’re powerful and successful, but significantly less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself, but it’s a lot better when you do it with another person. What am I talking about?
17. Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
18. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
19. What goes in hard and soft and comes out soft and wet?
20. What does a dog do that a man steps into?
21. I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
22. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
23. All men have one, but it’s longer on some than others. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife once they’re married.
24. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
25. You find me in a guy’s pants. I’m about six inches long, I have a head, and some women love to blow me. What am I?
26. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I?
27. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
28. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
29. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
30. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?
31. What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
32. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
33. Name a word that’s four letters long, ends in “u-n-t” and is used to refer to some women?
34. What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of?
35. What’s at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
36. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
37. If you put three fingers into these holes, it’s gonna be a shocker. What am I talking about?
38. Some people prefer being on top, others prefer being on the bottom, and it always involves a bed.
39. What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, & is responsible for making love?
40. What is it that a man does standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?
Give up?
Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answers:
1. You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can’t get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I?
2. What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?
3. I start with a “v” and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I?
4. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?
5. What’s in a man’s pants that you won’t find in a girl’s dress?
6. You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
7. What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
8. If I miss, I might hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?
9. What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
10. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
11. I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
12. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is really long. Michael J. Fox’s is short. Daffy Duck’s isn’t human. Madonna doesn’t have one. What am I?
13. What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
14. I start with a “p” and end with “o-r-n,” and I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I?
15. My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?
16. You get a lot of it if you’re powerful and successful, but significantly less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself, but it’s a lot better when you do it with another person. What am I talking about?
17. Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
18. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
19. What goes in hard and soft and comes out soft and wet?
20. What does a dog do that a man steps into?
21. I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
22. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
23. All men have one, but it’s longer on some than others. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife once they’re married.
24. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
25. You find me in a guy’s pants. I’m about six inches long, I have a head, and some women love to blow me. What am I?
26. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I?
27. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
28. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
29. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
30. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?
31. What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
32. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
33. Name a word that’s four letters long, ends in “u-n-t” and is used to refer to some women?
34. What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of?
35. What’s at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
36. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
37. If you put three fingers into these holes, it’s gonna be a shocker. What am I talking about?
38. Some people prefer being on top, others prefer being on the bottom, and it always involves a bed.
39. What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, & is responsible for making love?
40. What is it that a man does standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?
Give up?
Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answers:
*
1. Your phone
2. Talk
3. Her voice
4.Your nose
5. Pockets
6. A Tent
7. A Cucumber
8. The paperboy
9. A fork
10. An elevator
11. Peanut butter
12. A last name
13. A coconut
14. Popcorn
15. A lawyer
16. Email
17. Firetruck
18. An arrow
19. Gum
20. Pants
21. Gloves
22. A seatbelt
23. His last name
24. A crane
25. A twenty-dollar bill
26. Your dentist
27. A bowling ball
28. Erasers
29. Facebook
30. The Titanic
31. An education
32. Toothpaste
33. Aunt
34. Legs
35. Toothbrush
36. A wedding ring
37. An Elevator
38. Bunk beds
39. The heart
40. Shake hands
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