Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.
The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.
Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.
The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantly, he returns in a huge flock of bats. His hands are covered in blood.
With a cackle, he points down the road.
"You see that abandoned coach down there? I slaughtered everyone in it! The driver, a nobleman and his wife, their three sons, and a guardsman! All dead in the blink of an eye!"
The second, older than the first, but younger than the last, scoffs. "Child's play. Watch this." And disappears with the wind. Even with his heightened senses, the younger could not follow his movements.
The second vampire reappeared as suddenly as he had vanished, and the gust of his speed knocked the youngest to the ground. His hands, mouth, and collar were caked with gore. He gestures towards a town in the distance. As the vampires watched, a building lit on fire, and fell onto another one. Soon, the entire town was alight, but no movement could be seen from the townsfolk at all.
"A hundred people in that town! All dead! Torn to shreds!"
The youngest was in awe, but the eldest of the three only sighed bemusedly.
"How cute." He says.
The second looks almost indignant. "I'd like to see you do better."
The third lets out a malevolent chuckle.
He gets up, dusts off his cloak, and puts his spectacles down on a rock.
He disappears with a CRACK. The other two vampires' jaws dropped at the impossible speed that the eldest flew at.
Another resounding CRACK filled the air as the eldest vampire returned to the cave. His cloak was in tatters. His clothes were disheveled. But most prominent was the blood. His entire body was covered in blood. Never would the other vampires imagine that so much blood could cling to one person.
The eldest lets out a sigh, and plops to the ground. He reaches for his glasses, and cleans them with what remains of his cloak.
The younger vampires look at each other, not sure whether to break the silence.
Finally, the youngest asks, "So...?"
The elder vampire looks up slowly. He murmurs,
"You see that massive tree over there? The one with the widest trunk, as thick as a man is tall?"
Baffled, the youngest replied, "...Yes?"
The eldest, sheepishly, continued.
"Well, I didn't."