You Know You're Old When...

You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything. 

A gardener cuts your grass even though you have a brand-new lawn mower in the garage. 

Now that you can afford front-row seat at a rock concert you can't imagine why anyone would want to be there. 

Your baby pictures are in black and white. 

Your prescriptions refill number is programmed into your "speed dial." 

You have Christmas cards in the mail by December first. 

You've stopped worrying about hair loss, and started worrying about memory loss. 

You own more electrical appliances than there are outlets in your home. 

You've named your eyeglasses by the activity they permit you to do. 

Some of your mortgage payment actually goes against the principal. 

The expression "Feel the burn" has more to do with your stomach and less to do with your muscles. 

You have more frequent-flier mileage than mileage on your car. 

You vividly remember the day the price of gas went over one dollar a gallon. 

You've stopped worrying about the size of your penis and started worrying about the size of your prostate. 

You're looking for a new home with the master bedroom on the first floor. 

The waitress at Denny's points out the "senior specials" in the big print on the back of the menu. 

Your tattoos have folds.