Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Are You a Browncoat?

Every so often I get hooked on a particular movie or a TV series. In the past it’s been "Game of Thrones" (no duh!),“NCIS,” “Boston Legal,” and, of course, all things Star Trek.  

There was one, though, that came out of nowhere and knocked me out of the park. Joss Whedon’s Firefly originally aired in 2002 with only 14 episodes (shown out of sequence and on different nights by Fox) before it got cancelled. The story continued in a feature film called Serenity in 2004. My friend Tally was the one got me hooked (she’s also responsible for me going a little über-fan-crazy over “Game of Thrones,” but that’s for another post). She loaned me the boxed set of the TV series and the movie, and I watched it all in less than a week. I then turned around and got both my sons addicted, along with BFF Donna and her husband, Luis.

Just like Star Trek has its Trekkies (or Trekkers, if you’re a purist), fans of Firefly/Serenity call themselves “Browncoats” (named after the brown dusters the soldiers of the Independence faction in the show had worn as uniforms).

If you think you may be borderline obsessed, just refer to the list below. (On the other hand, if you have no idea what any of this means, shame on you, and go watch Firefly immediately)

    • You start peppering your everyday conversation with words like “shiny” and “gorram”.

    • You wait for the day you can say, “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

    • One of the reasons you watch Castle is to play “Spot the Firefly Reference.”

    • You volunteer at the local nursing home just so one of the female residents will teach you how to knit a hat like Jayne’s.

    • You let annoying people know that you can kill them with your brain.

    • When you win anything, you jump up and yell, “No power in the ‘verse can stop me!!”

    • You aim to misbehave.

    • Whenever you unzip your jacket, you can’t help wanting to say, “Shiny. Let’s be bad guys.”

    • Instead of saying “I’m going to my room,” you say, “I’ll be in my bunk.”

    • You know what “The Special Hell” is reserved for.

    • You know the chain of command is an actual chain.

    • You clean while wearing blue gloves and chanting “two by two, hands of blue.”

    • You spout off faux Chinese phrases when you get angry.

    • People know that when you swear by your pretty floral bonnet, you mean business.

    • You know all the words to “The Hero of Canton”.

    • You know the Bible is somewhat fuzzy on the subject of kneecap injuries.

    • You think Zac Efron’s best work is as a young Simon, and it’s the only reason he’s famous.

    • You know what (and where) Miranda is.

    • You scream at anyone who says Jayne is a girl’s name (even though it is).

    • You have a 60 gallon aquarium-turned-terrarium filled with plastic dinosaurs. You call it, “This Land.”

    • In every dictionary, you mark out the definition for “interesting” and change it to “Oh God, oh God, we’re all gonna die.”

    • When you drive, you whisper-chant, “I’m a leaf on the wind… watch how I soar.”

    • You have a Nerf/squirt/real gun you named Vera.

    • The Firefly theme song is your ringtone.

    • You know what ship to avoid because they “fall right out of the sky”.

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