Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Bad Film Noir Dialogue

"He had the look of an ornery cuss who would shoot a man for snoring. I began to suspect that my night at the sleep disorder clinic was going to be a bumpy one." 

"You ain't allowed back here, gumshoe." 
"Easy, Sarge, I work part time as a freelance feng shui coordinator."

"As I closed the blinds in my office, I could feel her steely gaze upon me even before I wheeled around.  Her fiery eyes sparkled like rubies.  I knew what she was after.  So I handed her my separate bins for trash and recyclables."

"The dame pinched my wallet, Johnny.  Follow that car, and step on it!"    
"Who do I look like, King Kong?"

"She had the kind of knobs that an old-time radio would be proud of and you wouldn't mind fiddling with to get better reception."

"Her perfume lingered in my memory, like that goddamned 'It's a Small World' song."

"Midnight.  The convention was in full swing.  The sound of Klingon filled the room.  The dame was nowhere in sight. For that matter, there were *no* dames in sight."

"One flick of my wrist, and her bra unhinged like the gates before a Wembley Stadium soccer match."
"She was woman and I was man.  Nothing stood between her and me except for a flimsy negligee.  I let it slide off me to the floor and stepped toward her."

"Don't thank me yet”      
"Too late -- I already have." 

"The dame standing at the end of the dimly-lit bar wasn't very hot, but she wasn't exactly cold, either.  She was lukewarm, like a turkey pot pie in an Easy-Bake oven." 

"She ate dinner like old people hump -- slow and sloppy." 

"She was trouble with a capital 'T.'  No, more than that -- trouble in all caps.  Well, that's maybe a bit excessive. She was *lots* of trouble, with a capital 'T' and an exclamation point.  Maybe two exclamation points." 

"I ventured into the dark alley with a pounding heart and a spastic colon, hoping neither would give me away." 

"I've got five bucks that says you won't pull that trigger."   "Good. I need that dough to buy bullets." 

"I checked into the hotel across the street from the dame. My room was musty and dingy, and a Chuck E. Cheese sign blinked intermittently in the window, bathing everything in its cheery orange light.  But I smelled a rat."

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