SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Friday, January 27, 2017

Random Status Updates

You ever have the feeling that the “check engine” light is on in your life but you just keep hoping it’ll go away on its own?

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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I know you were expecting something sweet and romantic, but these are just some gardening facts.

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“DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND MONEY WILL FOLLOW”

So I ate a pizza, drank about a gallon of Crystal Light Raspberry Ice, took a five-hour nap, and binge-watched the entire last season of “The Walking Dead” in my underwear.

Now I wait

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The most alarming thing about this clown crisis is that there could literally be hundreds of them in a single car.

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I’ve been hearing how the “heroin problem” is making a comeback. Really??? C’mon guys, it’s the 21st Century. No one in this day and age should have a “problem” with women saving people, amirite?

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BRITAIN: Brexit was the stupidest, most self-destructive act a country could undertake

USA: Hold my drink.

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So it’s called a food “pyramid,” right? Not a food “triangle,” which would indicate that there are at least another two sides. Which means there IS room for all this pasta!

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People need to understand the difference between want and need. For example, I WANT a hot body but I NEED chicken nuggets.

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Happy Thanksgiving, dudes and dudettes. Enjoy your Turkey Day, and remember, nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven. Unless it’s a red spandex bodysuit with ostrich feathers, a can of Crisco and some fur-lined handcuffs.

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When I was a kid, I used to try a lot of sports, without ever excelling in any particular one. Then I grew up and realized you can actually *buy* trophies. Now I’m good at *everything*.

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