Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Monday, September 19, 2016

AVAST, ye scurvy scum! Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

In honor of

A reporter was interviewing a pirate.

He asked, "Sir, how did you lose your leg?"

"Well, matey, that was back in the bloody war o' '72, when we cut the heads off o' every last one of the deadliest rascals on the Seven Seas, The Mutineers."

"How did you lose your hand?"

"That was in a sword fight between me and Captain Jackie Douglas, the scalawag. I beat him good that day, but lost me hand in the battle. Now all I have is this hook."

"How did you lose your eye?"

"Well, actually matey... some bird poo landed in it."

"Surely that shouldn't be cause to remove the eye altogether!"

"No... but that was the day I got me hook."



"What's a pirate's favorite letter?"

"That's easy - Arrrrrr!"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? But it's the Ceeeeeeeee!"



What's the pirate's wife's name?




What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?






A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"


The Top 10 Pirate Pick-Up Lines

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

         And the number one pirate pickup line is...

1. Avast! Prepare to be boarded!

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