Generally speaking, with plants:
If you eat it something good happens, it’s medicine.
If you eat it something bad happens, it’s poison.
If you eat it nothing happens, it’s salad.
~~~~~
I’ve never been quite comfortable with the
fact that lionesses raise the young and do all the hunting, while the lions lie
around in the shade all day. I mean, shouldn’t the lionesses also be *fanning*
the lions?
~~~~~
Now
that I know the truth, the truth has made me free.
However,
to be perfectly honest, before knowing the truth it wasn't like I was all that
expensive.
~~~~~
The mere fact that sloths aren’t extinct is scientific
proof that if you go at your own pace and mind your own damn business, you too
can succeed.
~~~~~
I might be wrong, but I’m guessing that the guy who first
said, “Two heads are better than one” never worked as a fetal ultrasound
technician. (6/1/16)
~~~~~
“Excuse me, I think you dropped something.”
“What?”
“Your standards. Hi, I’m Skip…”
~~~~~
I accidentally used AOL to search for something today. I
can’t help but think that everyone who works there probably high-fived each
other and got really hopeful for the future.
~~~~~
Looking in the mirror
and thinking, “Damn, that lucky bastard in there gets to look at ME every day.”
~~~~~
I’m starting to think
that dragons have the right idea. Hang out in a cave with all your favorite
stuff, and if anybody tries to bug you, you just blow fire at them and go back
to sleep.
~~~~~
Is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and
monocle selling you other peanuts to eat?
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