SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

A little Valentine's Day humor

(With a special emphasis on "little"...)

What NOT To Get Her On Valentine's Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.


2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.


3. Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.


4. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.


5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.


6. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.valentinecats.jpg


7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."


8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.


9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.


10. A gift certificate.


11. Cash.


12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.


13. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"




~~~~~


After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?"

"You’ll know tonight," he said.


That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”



~~~~~

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."


The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that’s your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."


His wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it even says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."


“Yeah, right. Show me."


So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."



~~~~~

Roses are red, but there are also pink, white and yellow varieties
Violets aren't blue, they're violet, hence the name
I've got OCD
And my poetry skills are also lacking.


~~~~~

My wife just called me.


She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, and they are absolutely gorgeous."


I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."



1 comment:

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