Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Throwback Thursday - "Updated Nursery Rhymes"

(originally published on February 19, 2013)

• JACK AND JILL went up the hill
To have a little fun
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son


Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

• LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet

Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn

• SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman going to the fair

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman "What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you idiot!"

• THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very good
But when she was bad, she got a fur coat, jewels, and a sports car

• HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast


Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the others got away with minor injuries

• HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat did a piddle

All over the bedside clock
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat died of electric shock

• OLD MOTHER HUBBARD went to the cupboard

To get her poor daughter a dress
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter I guess

• JACK BE NIMBLE Jack be quick

Jack jumped over the candlestick.
Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire

• THERE WAS AN OLD LADY who lived in a shoe

She had so many children, 
she qualified for food stamps and welfare.

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