If you find a hair in your food, heavily salt it before sending it back to the kitchen to make sure you get a new order.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse
If you're too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it.
When in an argument, act as if you're being recorded. This will prevent you from saying stupid things you don't mean.
Always check your cell signal when looking for a new apartment (or dorm room).
When you're finished with an essay, copy and paste it into Google Translate and listen to it. It's an easy way to find mistakes
When buying a flat screen TV, remember to put the box in your neighbors' trash so you don't get robbed.