Skip's House of Chaos: January 2016

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Middle-Aged Harry Potter Books

One day, on the ranch...

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

Not a bad prediction, actually...

(via)

I looked at this headline upside down and misread it. You did too.

(via)

Saturday, January 30, 2016

One day, in the professor's office

A young coed visits her professor in his office.

She glances down the hall, then closes the door and kneels in front of him.

"I would do anything to get an A in this course," she says, breathlessly. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."

The professor returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything?"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper.

"Even... study?"