SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Car Horn Translation Guide




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Guess what?


Octopusses





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One day, on the train...

Three lawyers are buying tickets for a train to Chicago. Ahead of them in line, three engineers purchase a single ticket.

One of the lawyers asks, "How are you going to travel with just a ticket between the three of you?"

"Watch and you'll see," winks one of the engineers.

The train arrives, and the six of them climb on. The three lawyers take their seats while the three engineers pile into a bathroom.

The train gets underway.

A conductor starts making his rounds. Noticing the bathroom is occupied, he knocks on the door and asks, "Ticket, please."

The door cracks open a hair, and a single ticket is offered. The conductor punches it, and continues on.

The three lawyers admit that this is a good trick, and that they should try it on their next journey. As luck would have it, after spending a few days in Chicago, they see that the three engineers will be on board their train. The lawyers purchase a single ticket for the three of them, while the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

One of the lawyers asks, "How are you going to ride, if you don't have a ticket?"

"Watch and you'll see," came the reply.

The lawyers get on the train, and scramble into a bathroom. The engineers cram themselves into an adjacent bathroom. The train leaves, and picks up speed. One of the engineers gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the lawyers' bathroom, and knocks.


"Ticket, please."

THROWBACK THURSDAY - "Alaskan Humor"

(originally published on June 14, 2011)




(Thanks, Billy!)


Product Placement Level 9.0




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Name Dominoes

Click the pic to biggify



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Wednesday, May 30, 2018

You're dithpicable...




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Suh-NAP! (...go the handcuffs)


Website Wednesday 18.22

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
 

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,

through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."  

Adulthood is completely understanding
why Britney Spears shaved her head

Top of the heap:  There is Only One Trump Scandal

31 Things You May Have Been Doing Wrong Your Entire Life

14 Secrets of Costco Employees

Napflix: Videos that will put you to sleep

Instant Pot Recipes Everyone Should Know

United States of Protest: A Citizen's Guide to 250 Years of Resistance

Deadpool 2 post-credits scene(s), explained (warning: spoilers)

The Next Big Discovery in Astronomy Has Already Been Found (We Just Don't Know It Yet)

Only a True Trivia Expert Will Get 15/20 On This Quiz (I got 13)

A truly genius parenting hack

The X-Men Movies You Never Saw

Inside an Amazon Fulfillment Center

Photography is Just One Big Lie

Having Babies on Mars is Going to Be a 'Titanic Challenge'

Why You Should Be Drinking Water

24 Things Princesses at Disneyland Would Never Tell You

Has Facebook Jumped the Shark?

The Rise of the Religious Left (yeah, count me in)

27 Ways to Clean All The Things You Don't Really Know How to Clean



Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella. 
 Skip    ಠ_ಠ

 Website Wednesday archives


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Creative Marketing




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Edge of Space Flight





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Are they twins?




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Family Feud's Funniest Answers

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Any plans tonight? Oh, nothing really. Just going to...




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TWEETS OF THE WEEK


Fifty Shades of Grey

#272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, 7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, 838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, 898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, 919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, 979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, 9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8.



Maybe it's just me, but I can't figure out why this is supposed to be so sexy...

TUNESMITH TUESDAY - Classic TV Show Theme Songs - "Rawhide"

Rawhide was an American Western TV series starring Eric Fleming and Clint Eastwood. The show aired on the CBS network from January 9, 1959 to January 4, 1966, with a total of 217 black-and-white episodes. 

Spanning seven and a half years, Rawhide was the sixth-longest-running American television Western, exceeded only by eight years of Wagon Train, nine years of The Virginian, fourteen years of Bonanza, eighteen years of Death Valley Days, and twenty years of Gunsmoke.

In this week's "Yeah-That's-Sort-Of-Interesting" department...

The Amount of Water on Europa
So, scuba diving?

The Literal Translation of Country Names

(Click the pic with your pointy thingy to biggify)



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Sunday, May 27, 2018

Epic movie battles! EPIC, I say!



(Thanks, Ian!)

You'll regret that tattoo when you're older.





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Random Status Updates

Me: Hey! What do you call a midget fortune-teller who just escaped from prison?
Starbucks Barista: Ummm, I don’t know, what?
Me: A Tall Grande at Venti!

I’m not allowed in that Starbucks anymore.

~~~~~

If I had to guess where it everything started to go wrong, I’d have to say it was the day I learned “elementopee” wasn’t one awesome letter.

~~~~~

SKETCH ARTIST: (holds up a drawing of a single bit of straw)
CAMEL: (in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes) That’s him!

~~~~~

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion.

Neutral.

As in …

without an ion

~~~~~

Statistics show that 69% of people find something dirty in everything they read

~~~~~

I haven’t eaten an apple in days.
The doctors are closing in.
My barricade won’t last much longer.
They’re coming.
Tell my family I love th-

~~~~~

When you think about it, Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two-minute guitar solo

~~~~~

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

~~~~~

You matter.
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
Then you energy.

~~~~~

We take it for granted today, but a single Dorito has more extreme nacho flavor than a peasant in the 1400’s would get in his entire lifetime.

People Who Annoy You


What I Really Need...


Life Advice From 50 Beloved Characters in Kid's Entertainment




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Saturday, May 26, 2018

Get down, Mr. President!




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Louis Armdoge


The Pigpen Cipher

From Wikipedia:
The exact origin of the cipher is unknown, but records of this system have been found which go back to at least the 18th century. Variations of this cipher were used by both the Rosicrucian brotherhood and the Freemasons, though the latter used the pigpen cipher so often that the system is frequently called the Freemason's cipher. They began using it in the early 18th century to keep their records of history and rites private, and for correspondence between lodge leaders. Tombstones of Freemasons can also be found which use the system as part of the engravings. One of the earliest stones in Trinity Church Cemetery in New York City, which opened in 1697, contains a cipher of this type which deciphers to "Remember death"(memento mori). George Washington's army had documentation about the system, with a much more randomized form of the alphabet. And during the American Civil War, the system was used by Union prisoners in Confederate prisons.