Excuse me, you ain`t any kin to the snare drummer, are you?
C: She's the sweetest little rosebud
That Texas ever knew
F: Why do you do that? Why do you burst out like that?
It irritates me. That irritates me. That irritates me, that`s all.
But the yellow rose of Texas -
HOLD ON! HOLD ON! Hold on you smart aleck Yankee drummer you!
You can cover up yellow, and you can cover up rose, Buddy Buddy, but don`t you cover up TEXAS! Or I'll stick your head through that cotton-pickin snare drum and secede from the band, so help me Mitch Miller I will!
C: And the yellow rose of Texas will be mine forever more
F: Cut it off there. The record`s over, you idiot. Stop it,
stop it I say. Just stop it, stop it. I'm getting out of here
He ruined the ending, one of the loveliest parts in the whole...
(opens door, drummer still pounding away, slams door)
Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.
One morning, he woke up and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Harley, and set out to explore the globe.
For the next few weeks, Rick spent his days riding to and through some of the most popular European cities like Paris, London, and Rome.
After seeing all Europe had to offer, he moved on to explore the rest of the world. Over the next few months, he rode through the African savannas, the deserts of Egypt, and even made it to the top of Mount Everest.
He was having the time of his life until he reached a small town in China. Unexpectedly, and out of nowhere, a beautiful Chinese maiden crossed his path, causing him to fly off and crash his motorcycle. Apologizing, the maiden offered Rick to pay for the repairs and a place to stay while they fixed his bike. "My name is Yu! It's an honor to meet you!" the beautiful maiden introduced herself to Rick.
It turned out she was the daughter of a rich magistrate, so he spent the night in a small palace in the center of town. However, due to the scarcity of motorcycle parts, Rick had to spend several days in the palace, in the presence of Yu. Over the next few days, she took a liking to him and his strange American ways. As expected, Rick took a liking to her, too.
The two quickly became inseparable, but Yu's father did not approve, for Rick was an outsider. By the time the motorcycle was finally up and running, Rick had fallen madly in love with Yu and refused to leave. Yu begged her father to let him stay, but instead, the Magistrate had Rick banished from the town. He warned him if he ever came back, he would have him beheaded.
Rick was devastated; he had no motivation to continue on the rest of his journey. It seemed as though there was nothing left for him in the world, if he didn't have his beloved Chinese maiden.
So he did the only thing any other sane guy would do....
“Okay, I don’t like to gear my material to the audience, but I’d like to make an exception because I was told that there is a convention of plumbers in San Francisco this week – and I understand about 30 of them came down to the show tonight – so before I came out I worked-up a joke especially for the plumbers. Those of you who aren’t plumbers probably won’t get this and won’t think it’s funny, but I think those of you who are plumbers will really enjoy this, and uh…. So if you’re not a plumber, please, bear with me for a while and just kinda, you know, hold off on this, but I would like to do this for the plumbers. Here we go.
“This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Well, just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, “You can’t work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench.” Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, “The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket.” Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, “It says sprocket not socket!”
“Were these plumbers supposed to be here this show, or…?”