Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, August 31, 2017

THROWBACK THURSDAY - "If I couldn't have the job I have now..."

(originally published on January 2, 2013)

THIS would be my chosen profession:

As you prepare for the Labor Day weekend...


Quotes from Steven Wright, Part 1

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Historical Images, Part 3

Samuel Reshevsky, Age 8, Defeating Several Chess Masters At Once In France, 1920

German Soldier Passing A Flower Through The Berlin Wall Before It Was Torn Down, 1989

The First World Series Game In New York, 1912

The Last Picture That Was Taken Of The Titanic Before It Sank

The Statue of Liberty surrounded by scaffolding as workers complete the final stages in Paris, c. 1885

Evacuating Saigon, April 30,1975. An American evacuee punches away a South Vietnamese man for a place on the last chopper out

Fritz, a television celebrity bulldog, is shaved by a Californian barber. April, 1961

The 2800 Year Old Kiss

(more here)

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

That's a lot of water...

Little Ducks - if you've got the means, you might want to consider donating to one of the legitimate aid organizations. The Red Cross is always a good, reliable choice, but there are a ton of others. Here's a link to Where to Donate to Harvey Victims (and How to Avoid Scams). Some of my more heathen friends scoff at this, but if you are a person of faith, I'm sure a few prayers would also be much appreciated.


UPDATE: It's up to 21 trillion gallons. 

We've come a long way, baby

1977: "In 40 years, we'll definitely have flying cars"

2017: "Okay, if I get up on this step stool, I'll definitely be closer to the sun"

Website Wednesday 17.35

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,

through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."  

                    I can’t decide if I need a huge cup of coffee,
                    a hug, eight shots of scotch, a few hundred
                    chicken nuggets, or a month of sleep.

Top of the heap:  Missed the Solar Eclipse? Here Are The Next 10

Related: How To Repurpose Your Solar Eclipse Glasses

Related: The International Space Station just pulled off the photobomb of a lifetime

Why Obamacare Didn't Implode

Apparently, the Girl Scouts of America are mad at the Boy Scouts of America

What dinner time looks like across the USA

How Tough is Your Diet?

The 100 Greatest Comedies of All Time (according to the BBC, anyway)

One Order to Bind Them: The Best Way to Read Tolkien's Hobbit and Lord of the Rings Books

How America forgot the true history of the Civil War

How to Adult

Do You Hate the Same Food Your State Hates?

31 Slightly Terrible Things That Make Every Girl Cringe

Here's a major time suck: Listen to Old-Time Radio Shows Online

Creative and Clever Tip Jars

A YUGE list of T
hings We Have Learned From Watching Movies

Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip

 Website Wednesday archives

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