SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Who woulda thunkit?





(via)

Tea is an evil substance!




(via)

Covid do





(via)

If Drinks Could Talk




(via)

Random Status Updates (from the Quarantine)

So, wait... they cancelled the Renaissance Pleasure Faire because of COVID-19?

Why didn't they just run with it?

People dying from the plague would be pretty realistic, amirite?

~~~~~

I don't want to brag, but my car is currently getting about three weeks to the gallon

~~~~~

Remember wishing the weekend could just go on forever?

Are you happy now?

~~~~~

Dear Casinos: It’s no fun losing money, is it?

~~~~~

So Little Ducks, NOW do you understand why retired people eat dinner at 4:30pm?

~~~~~

Just because I’m bored, here’s a list of words containing the word, “meow”:

   -  meow 
   -  meows 
   -  meowed 
   -  meowing 
   -  homeowner

You’re welcome

~~~~~

Okay, “umop adisdn” is “upside down” spelled upside down with different letters of the alphabet. There. That’s one more thing you know.

~~~~~

Rent’s due. Car payment’s due. 
Cable bill’s due. Cellular bill’s due. 
Insurance due. Mountain Dew. 
Baby shark do do do do do. 
Everything’s due.

~~~~~

Isn’t it weird how the more we stay home, the more homeless we look?

~~~~~

Dear Amazon Prime and Netflix:
I don’t need the “Previously on…” feature.
I’ve been watching this show for 12 hours straight.

Contagion Probability

Just sayin'

THROWBACK THURSDAY - "Been THERE before..."

(Originally published on December 26, 2014)





(via)

Betty White is Invincible





(via)

Nice jacket




(via)

Couldn't hurt to ask





(via)

Album Covers




(Thanks, Myles)

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

One day, at the front door...





(via)

After giving this some serious thought...




(via)

Okay, cat owners... is this true?





(via)

Snowducks



(Thanks, Ian)

Save Betty White!





(via)

As you wish...

A pirate's prophetic pronouncement

Website Wednesday 20.18

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
 
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
 

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,

through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail, 
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."  

An Open Letter to both Amazon Prime and Netflix:
I don’t need the “Previously on…” feature, guys..
I’ve been watching this show for 18 hours straight.


Okay, first, the Pandemic, Icky Stuff:  


A scuba diving group is making face masks out of recycled ocean plastic

Will Travel Change After Coronavirus? (short answer: ubetcha)

McDonald's Thank You Meals for Health Care Workers and First Responders

17 Social Distancing Pickup Lines That Prove the Internet is Extremely Creative

After coronavirus: Your next hotel stay may look like this


Now, the Stuff to Take Your Mind OFF The Pandemic, Icky Stuff:


Top of the heap:  The Coolest Small Towns in America By State

Kermit is With Us, You Guys

Please, YES! Traditional Hand-Stirred Maple Butter (and yes, you can make it at home)

The Bizarre Experience of Sitting Inside the 'Quietest Room on Earth"  - PLUSa Guided Tour

Shipwrecks are now visible in Lake Michigan 

Off the Wall Art

Here's something you might enjoy - Joe Pesci without the profanities (I know! Unbelievable, right?)

Kodak unveils the World's Largest Puzzle

How to Say No And Be Fulfilled in Work and in Life (Thanks, Emily!)

Massive Workout Collection (yeah, no)

The Entire U.S. Box Office Last Weekend Came From a Single Florida Drive-In Theater

The Most Dangerous Place in the History of Planet Earth



Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella. 
 Skip    à² _ಠ

 Website Wednesday archives

(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot me an email and let me know)

Unabashed plug:
Order a copy of my book,
How to Negotiate When You Hate Negotiating
paperback http://bit.ly/skiptuckerpb



This e-mail, the files transmitted with it, and the sender of this email are the property of Skip's House of Chaos and/or its affiliates.  This email is confidential, and is intended solely for use of the individual or entity to whom this email is addressed.  If you are not one of the named recipient(s) or otherwise have reason to believe that you have received this message in error, please notify the sender, delete this message from your computer, destroy your computer immediately, forget all that you have seen and turn yourself over to the proper authorities.  Any other use, retention, observation, dissemination, consideration, recollection, forwarding ridicule, printing, viewing, copying, or unauthorized memorization of this e-mail without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited. The contents of this e-mail are not intended to be taken literally.  Void where prohibited by law or common sense.  Not valid in Rhode Island, Guam and the Xinhua province in China.  Condiments available upon request.  A transcript of this e-mail is available free of charge.  Cash value = 1/20 of once cent.  All rights reserved. © 2020.

Paranormal Activity


One of my all time favorites




(Thanks, Jim)

S'truth




(via)

Cheese





(via)

Preach it, brother!





(via)

I pity the fool





(via)

It's all about perspective

Uncanny!

This had me laughing way too hard



(via)

Guess who...




(via)

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Dad Joke of the Week

(I'll show myself out)

Uplifting Words




(via)

A Matt Damon Production




(via)

Lizard Family

(Family of lizards)

Mother: This is our oldest son. He's all grown up now and crushes buildings.


Little lizard: ahem


Mother: *signs* Also, this is our youngest. He can get you 15% off car insurance.




(via)

Belief Triggers the Power to Do



(via)

Donald Trump is a Stable Genius

Donald Trump is always boasting 
he has such a high IQ. How 
can we get him to prove it?

Are you kidding? He proves his smarts every day. His high IQ comes blasting through every time he tweets his genius thoughts.


The Top Ten Things Which Prove That Donald Trump is a Stable Genius
10. Only he knows that the “sound of Wind Turbines causes cancer.”

9. He makes speeches that nobody can understand, so he must be speaking at a level far above the average person. Much of what he says can only be heard by people who can hear “Dog Whistles”.

8. He knows big words like “covfefe”, which most people have no idea what it means.

7. Only he is smart enough to read between the lines of The Mueller Report and see that he is “TOTALLY and COMPLETELY EXONERATED!”, right after the passage where it says “Accordingly, while this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”

6. Only Trump knows that, “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” Tweeted by him on 11/6/2012.
5. He got all perfect grades in all the schools he attended, which he sued to keep private, so as not to embarrass all the regular, stupid people who voted for him.

4. Who else knew about the capture of all the airports during the Revolutionary War?

3. The fact that he won’t release his tax returns lends credence to the fact that he is a genius at not paying taxes.

2. The fact that dozens of people who surround him daily, say that he doesn’t read anything, proves that he already must know everything.

1. He has all the degrees possible from Trump University.

The Next Top Ten Things Which Demonstrate that Donald Trump is a Stable Genius
10. Only he is smart enough to change the path of a hurricane with a Sharpie.

9. Only he knows that DOJ actually stands for “Donnie’s Own Judicial” system and Bill Barr is his personal lawyer.

8. His genius has determined that Senate acquittal means he was never really impeached.

7. Only he is smart enough to know that the Corona virus is just a fad and will be gone when the weather warms up.

6. Trump is smart enough to know that everyone else is just plain stupid, especially the ones he hires and eventually fires for all his cabinet posts and staff.

5. Foregoing his $400,000 Presidential salary while he bills the government for $140 million in golf expenses at his resorts is pure genius.

4. It was a genius move to give The Presidential Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh at the State of the Union address. Nobody could possibly disagree with that, right?

3. Firing Gordon Sondland as EU Ambassador and keeping his $1 Million campaign donation was brilliant.

2. Using the National Prayer Breakfast to swear revenge on his impeachment enemies was something only “The Chosen One” would be smart enough to do. 

1. He is brilliant enough to divert $3.8 Billion from Congressionally allocated military spending to fund his wall, which Mexico was supposed to pay for.



(via)

Not all heroes wear capes


TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "I Like to Move It" (from "Madagascar")


I Like to Move It

(Chorus)
I Like To Move It Move It
I Like To Move It Move It
I Like To Move It Move It
Ya Like To (MOVE IT!)


All Girls All Over The World
Original King Julian Pon Ya Case Man!
I Love How All The Girls A Love ta Move Their Body

And When Ya Move Ya Body
Uno Move It
Nice And Sweet And Sexy Alright!

Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman Ya Cute And You Don

Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman! Physically Fit
Physically Fit
Physically
Physically
Physically

Woman! Physically Fit
Physically Fit
Physically
Physically
Physically
Physically


Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic

Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya Nice Sweet Energetic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic

Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic

Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic

WOMAN!

(Chorus)

Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up

Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Eyeliner

A Mek Man Mud Up
Nose Powder
A Mek Man Mud Up

Pluck Ya Eyebrow
Pon Ya
Pon Ya Face A Mek Man Mud Up


Gal Ya Lipstick
Pon Ya Face A Mek Man Mud Up

Woman Ya Nice Broad Face
And Ya Nice Hip Make Man
Flip And Bust Them Lip

Woman Ya Nice And Energetic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya Nice

Broad Face
And Ya Nice Hip
Make Man Flip And Bust Them Lip

Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic

WOAH!

BOP!
WOAH!
BOP!

WOAH!
BOP!
WOAH!

BOP!

THAT TREE OVER THERE YEH
AND I REMEMBER THINGS CHANGED A LOT IN THOSE
DAYS, IN MADAGASCAR IT WASNT SO COMMERCIAL, YOU KNOW,
THERE WASNT ALL THE FUSS BOUT WHO'S GOT THE LATEST TREE
AND WHAT LEAVES

ARE YOU WEARING AND WHO'S GOT
THE LATEST FUR ON THEIR BACK YOU KNOW,
THOSE DAYS IT WAS JUST ME AND A COUPLE OF THE OTHERS YOU
KNOW, DOING THE JUNGLE BOOGIE YOU KNOW,
JUNGLE BOOGIE... JUNGLE BOOGIE
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH


I LIKE TO MOVE IT!

YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS NEVER GONNA END COZ IT IS 3,2,1

NOT BAD EH? I LIKE IT

How old were you when you learned to fix a loose door?

Today. I was today years old.



(via)

Broken ocean?


(It's actually a crack in the ice of Lake Baikal in Siberia)


(via)

Wheel! Of! FORTUNE!





(via)

"SOME" adults...




(via)