SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Right.

"Heavenly Bodies"

The Test of a Superhero




(via)

This


THROWBACK THURSDAY - "1001 Reasons Why You Should Want to Be My Friend"

(originally published on May 4, 2007)


1001 Reasons Why You
Should Want to Be My Friend

Okay, so... this is a living blog.... meaning that there currently are not 1001 things listed here, but my goal is to come up with that many positive things about myself that others should know.  Please feel free to contribute suggestions.  If they are true, I’ll add them to the list.  I freely admit that I stole this idea from someone else, but I’m not going to tell you who.

  1. I know how to fly (an airplane)

  2. I’ll help you move

  3. I’m bald

  4. I can do magic

  5. Little children instinctively like me

  6. So do dogs. 

  7. Cats, not so much

  8. I’ll come pick you up if you’re too drunk to drive home

  9. If you make a stupid mistake, I’ll help you correct it (but I’ll laugh at you first)

10. I can make you laugh

11. I know the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything (it's 42)

12. I've gone scuba diving under ice

13. I do not, nor have I ever smoked (cigarettes)

14. I used to be a paramedic

15. I used to be a cop

16. I believe toilet paper should go over the top of the roll

17. I know how to swing dance

18. I once had three giant scorpions crawling on my bare arm (and have the picture to prove it)

19. I sang the National Anthem at not one, but THREE Major League Baseball games (and have the pictures to prove it) 

20. I own a telescope

21. Over the course of my life, I’ve owned dogs, cats, turtles, rabbits, hamsters, mice, rats, ferrets, boa constrictors, frogs, fish, tarantulas and a couple of praying mantii.  Dogs are best.

22. I know every Elvis song ever recorded (I'll probably marry the girl that's impressed by that)

23. I make the second-best spaghetti sauce in the world (everybody else is tied for 1st)

24. My Christopher Lloyd impression is spot-on

25. I play the guitar

26. I’d make a great date in almost any social situation

27. I can reach stuff off the top shelf

28. I surf the Web so you don’t have to

29. I know how to rollerblade (kinda)

30. I travel, a lot.  

31. I’ve been to every State except West Virginia.  Just can’t bring myself to go there.

32. I’m a good listener

33. I overuse the phrase, “I’m so good today I could kiss a goat on the lips!”

34. I’m a good tipper

35. I always tip hotel maids 

36. I know how to find the North Star, so if you ever get lost in the woods, I’m your man 

37. I produce a lot of heat, so again, if you ever get lost in the woods, I'd come in handy

38. I speak Spanish (sort of)

39. My best friend is a girl (note to NOW members who object to me referring to her as a “girl”:  get over it)

40. I’m extremely punctual

41. I have 1200-count sheets

42. I remember the ‘50’s

43. I once did a magic trick for Britney Spears (and held her hands while I was doing it!)

44. I think anything on a stick tastes better

45. I think Sean Connery was the best 007

46. I earned a black belt in karate 

47. I’d fly into space on a moment’s notice if they’d let me

48. Regardless of what Neil DeGrasse Tyson says, I still consider Pluto a planet (albeit a really Mickey Mouse one)

49. I think George W. Bush is a dangerous, incredibly self-absorbed, stupid little pussy who is an embarrassment to my country. 

50. I think Dick Cheney is worse.

51. I also think Dick Cheney is aptly named

52. I don’t end every one of these with a period.  I’m wacky that way.

53. I was a radio disk jockey for several years

54. I once was a TV newscaster.  On Guam, no less

55. I send Website Wednesdays out to over 100 people every week

56. I don’t look my age

57. I certainly don’t act my age

58. My teenage kids still think I’m cool 

59. I give back (wink wink, nudge nudge) 

60. From time to time my wallet literally bursts into flames

61. I’m a Mac, not a PC

62. My favorite movie of all time is "Young Frankenstein"

63. When I have to wear ties, they're pretty cool ties

64. I have a friend who looks amazingly like Leonard Nimoy

65. I think "Firefly" and "Battlestar Galactica" are tied for the best sci-fi TV show(s), ever.

66. I know the answer to the question, "What's the first thing you know?"

67. My mama didn't raise no fools (if she did, it was one of my sisters)

68. I'm a pretty good negotiator, and I can give you tips for when you buy your next car

69. I'm in favor of it.

70. I can (usually) stop babies and little children from crying by talking like Donald Duck

71. I can talk like Donald Duck

72. I know how to make balloon animals

73. When I was 8, I was a King County Junior Deputy Sheriff 

74. I would vote for Pedro  (thanks, Luis)

75. I still have a great relationship with my mom and sisters, and my dad was my hero

76. I didn't even know what a "dysfunctional family" was until I was out of high school

77. I can quote entire passages from "Young Frankenstein," "The Princess Bride" and "Napoleon Dynamite"

78. I once won a Royal Caribbean "Karaoke Idol" contest  (for singing this)

79. I know how to do CPR.

80. I can say "Put it on my friend's tab" in seven different languages.

81. I know how to scuba dive (old school NAUI, thank you).

82. I don't get hangovers (never have yet, anyway)

83. I can't smell skunk.

84. I once gave a high school commencement address

85. I have a friend who was in Vietnam, has PTSD, is on disability, whose ex-wife tried to kill him during their divorce and HE spent time in jail for it - whose name is "Lucky."

86. I am fun to talk to.

87. I have no contagious diseases 

88. I can, at the touch of a button, have a custom-made pizza delivered to me in 30 minutes or less.

89. I'm a pretty good swimmer.

90. Do you really want to be known throughout history as the person who WASN'T friends with Skip Tucker?  Think about it.

91. You haven't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.

92. If you have a bad kidneys, I have two and I could lend you one.

93. Why not?

94. I recycle.

95. I (usually) wear my seatbelt.

96. I don't ring doorbells and run away before the occupant can answer (well, not any more).

97. I have pomegranate tequila at my house. (Stop making that face.  It's actually pretty good)

98. I know the names of several stars and constellations, and I can point them out to you with a green laser pointer.

99. I own a green laser pointer.

100. I mostly eschew verbose and esoteric philosophical multiplicities and sedulously avoid tautological and polysyllabical profundities in the communication of vital import, thereby obviating the manifest difficulties which many educated individuals tend to experience in and while adapting their extensive vocabularies to specific audiences.  Mostly.

101. I'm 10% finished with this list

102. Because if you're not, the terrorists win.

103. I can raise one eyebrow

104. I can wiggle my ears

105. I use the term "duck soup" a lot (it means "Sure, that'll be easy")

106. I have never once attempted to break into a bear's home and eat its porridge (as far as you know)

107. I hardly ever leave my shoelaces untied

108. I am excellent (and improving) on compiling pointless lists 

109. It's entirely possible that it would be more fun meeting me in real life than via the computer

110. I can jump higher than a house, as long as it's a very small house

111. No one has ever mistaken me for Wilford Brimley, Keith Moon or Amy Winehouse

112. I have, on several occasions, been mistaken for "Steve," the bouncer on "The Jerry Springer Show."

113. I can ski downhill (not very well, mind you... but I can ski)

114. Frankenstein never scared me.  (Marsupials do - because they're fast!)  (The bugs will get that one)

115. I won the "Best Supporting Actor" award for my portrayal of Herr Schultz in Cabaret at the Albany (Oregon) Civic Theatre in 1983

116. I never did that well in Chemistry in school, but one of my favorite activities is turning beer into urine.

117. One of the original "Big Lebowski" dudes was named Skip Tucker

118. I am also, apparently, the Executive Director of the "Alabama Voters Against Law Abuse." 

119.  Check this out!  There's even a "Skip Tucker Day" in Connecticut!  The pisser is, in Connecticut, I'm dead.

120. I'm also a pharmacist in Indianapolis!  Lovely.

121. My birthday (October 5) is the Most Common in the U.S.  (I guess because conception would occur on New Year's Eve).  The LEAST common birthday is May 22

122. I'm a morning person.  (Okay, maybe that's not a reason to like me.  Never mind.)

123. I can, using solely the power of my mind, bring ice water to a boil (Well, I haven't actually done it yet, but I have been able to get it up to room temperature)

124. I write movie reviews

125. I know where Camaroon is.

126. I don't take candy from strangers (unless it's really good candy)

127. I know how to change a flat tire

128. I shower every day.  Sometimes TWICE a day.

129. I can tune a guitar

130. I do a pretty good Darth Vader impression

131. I have never been arrested, as far as you know.

132. I have never broken into a bear's house to eat the porridge

133. I can make it stop raining  (sometimes it takes a couple of days, but still...)

134. I am now certified (with my sons) as a PADI Advanced Open Water scuba diver (refer back to #81)

135. I'm younger than I look and older than I feel. 

136. "You're able to hear women talk about 'girl things' without flinching" - BFF Donna

137. "You give people your undivided attention, even when your attention is divided" - BFF Donna

138. "You can make people feel like a million bucks" - BFF Donna

139. I can (probably) beat you at ping pong

140. Michael Phelps has never beat me in the 100 meter freestyle

141. I've never failed a lie detector test

142. I have been to the mountaintop.

143. I have ALSO been to the Playboy Mansion. Three times.

144. I think that Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are one of the four basic food groups

Oh boy.




(via)

Best friends




(via)

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Knowledge is Power, wee?


Here's something I bet you didn't know...




(via)

Good for them.

Breaking the cycle of recidivism

Website Wednesday 18.35

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
 

"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,

through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail, 
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..." 


                    That was the rudest pharmacist ever! All I asked was, 
                    “What am I supposed to do with these suppositories?”


Top of the heap:  Here's how to opt out of Netflix's new ads (I tried it. It works. So far...)

How the Elvis 68 Comeback Special Happened Despite Colonel Parker

6 Popular "Home Remedies" That Don't Work

50 Most Useful Alexa Skills

Cool Sci-Fi Timeline (Thanks, David!)

The Top 6 Secret Mountain Bike Destinations in the US

The Hidden Meanings of 12 Everyday Objects (Thanks, Mel!)

New bill would require paper ballots to secure election results

If Trump shot Michael Cohen in broad daylight, here's what Republicans would say

Hidden Easter Eggs in your favorite TV shows

"If I could be young again and know what I know now"- basically the plot of one of my favorite books

Ten Classics in Ten Minutes

What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions

25 Products For People Who Poop

If you're looking for someplace to spend your money, check out This Is Why I'm Broke

Critics Crown Minnesota State Fair's New Foods Winners and Losers


Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella. 
 Skip    ಠ_ಠ

 Website Wednesday archives


(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot me an email and let me know)

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John McCain's Goodbye Letter to America


Phoenix, Arizona– Rick Davis, Senator John McCain’s former presidential campaign manager and a family spokesman, read the following farewell statement from Senator John McCain at a press conference at the Arizona State Capitol in Phoenix, Arizona on Monday:

“My fellow Americans, whom I have gratefully served for sixty years, and especially my fellow Arizonans,

“Thank you for the privilege of serving you and for the rewarding life that service in uniform and in public office has allowed me to lead. I have tried to serve our country honorably. I have made mistakes, but I hope my love for America will be weighed favorably against them.

“I have often observed that I am the luckiest person on earth. I feel that way even now as I prepare for the end of my life. I have loved my life, all of it. I have had experiences, adventures and friendships enough for ten satisfying lives, and I am so thankful. Like most people, I have regrets. But I would not trade a day of my life, in good or bad times, for the best day of anyone else’s.

“I owe that satisfaction to the love of my family. No man ever had a more loving wife or children he was prouder of than I am of mine. And I owe it to America. To be connected to America’s causes – liberty, equal justice, respect for the dignity of all people – brings happiness more sublime than life’s fleeting pleasures. Our identities and sense of worth are not circumscribed but enlarged by serving good causes bigger than ourselves.

“’Fellow Americans’ – that association has meant more to me than any other. I lived and died a proud American. We are citizens of the world’s greatest republic, a nation of ideals, not blood and soil. We are blessed and we are a blessing to humanity when we uphold and advance those ideals at home and in the world. We have helped liberate more people from tyranny and poverty than ever before in history. We have acquired great wealth and power in the process.

“We weaken our greatness when we confuse our patriotism with tribal rivalries that have sown resentment and hatred and violence in all the corners of the globe. We weaken it when we hide behind walls, rather than tear them down, when we doubt the power of our ideals, rather than trust them to be the great force for change they have always been.

“We are three-hundred-and-twenty-five million opinionated, vociferous individuals. We argue and compete and sometimes even vilify each other in our raucous public debates. Be we have always had so much more in common with each other than in disagreement. If only we remember that and give each other the benefit of the presumption that we all love our country we will get through these challenging times. We will come through them stronger than before. We always do.

“Ten years ago, I had the privilege to concede defeat in the election for president. I want to end my farewell to you with the heartfelt faith in Americans that I felt so powerfully that evening. I feel it powerfully still.

“Do not despair of our present difficulties but believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here. Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history.

“Farewell, fellow Americans. God bless you, and God bless America.”



The first image of the new Star Wars cast




(via)

Poster in a therapist's waiting room


Tuesday, August 28, 2018

The Smallest of All Crimes




(via)

TWEETS OF THE WEEK


Santa?




(via)

TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "All I Ask Of You" from "Phantom of the Opera"

A lot of people have done this song, including Josh Groban, Kelly Clarkson, Andrea Bocelli, Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Barbra Streisand, and even Susan Boyle and Donny Osmond(!)

IMHO, the original pairing of Michael Crawford (who was a slapstick comedic television actor prior to becoming an international superstar) and Sarah Brightman (the polarizing force and ex-wife of Andrew Lloyd Webber) has never been equalled. 



"All I Ask Of You"
from Phantom of the Opera

(Raoul)
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you beside you
To guard you and to guide you

(Christine)
Say you'll love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summer time
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

[Raoul]
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

[Christine]
All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

[Raoul]
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you

[Christine]
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

[Both]
Share each day with me, each night, each morning

[Christine]
Say you love me

[Raoul]
You know I do

[Both]
Love me, that's all I ask of you.

[Both]
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

[Phantom] 
I gave you my music, made your song take wing.
And now, how you've repaid me, denied me and betrayed me.
He was bound to love you, when he heard you sing.
(Sobs) Christine, Christine.

[Raoul & Christine]
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me, each night, each morning...

[Phantom]
You will curse the day you did not do!
All that the Phantom asked of you!

Still can't.