To whoever put those eyes in the tree:

I hate you.

The vacuum salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said the old lady. “I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well, sonny, let me get you a fork. They cut off my electricity this morning.”

Tunesmith Tuesday - The Blues Brothers, "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love"

Eye Test

Calm your mind and stare at this red circle

Notice anything?

Click here for the reveal


(via)

Cosmic Eye

This movie was generated using the iOS App "Cosmic Eye", written by Danail Obreschkow at the International Centre for Radio Astronomy Research at the University of Western Australia. This app draws inspiration from a progression of increasingly accurate graphical representations of the scales of our Universe, including the classical movie “Powers of Ten” (1977), directed by Charles and Ray Eames, and "Cosmic Zoom" (1968), directed by Eva Szasz. Where possible, it displays real photographs obtained with modern objectives, telescopes, and microscopes. Other views are phenomenal renderings of state-of-the-art computer models.

Best viewed in Full Screen

Monday Mind Game

Forward I am heavy; backward I am not

What am I?

Give up?

Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answer

*

Forward I am a ton; backward I'm not.

*

The Making of a Perfect Hamburger

Just in time for your Memorial Day barbecues (and the coming summer grilling season), we bring you the essential infographic on what makes the ideal burger. Of course, everyone has their preferences, but this guide will show you how to please the masses.

(Click on pic to isolate it, then click on it again to biggify)

(via)

Remember, Little Ducks - it's not just the barbecue, beer and the day off

I've always felt a little strange about wishing someone a "Happy Memorial Day." It's sort of saying something like "Happy Yom Kippur" to a Jewish person, or "Did you have a happy funeral?"

At any rate, I hope you're all rested and ready for the week.

So true

(via)

Here's something I bet you didn't know

Have you ever looked around when you’re in a big crowd of people and realize that every single person there has a story - memories, family, troubles, achievements, a first kiss, a broken heart – but you’ll never know anything about it?

There’s a word for this:

English can be weird

Lost the wife’s shopping list so he just decided to wing it.

(via)

In the year 3000...

(Thanks, Conan!)

Things change at night

(via)

Take THAT, Australia!

(via)

Going to see the solar eclipse (next year)

Already made my reservations, Little Ducks!

Who's coming with me?

Here's something you don't get to see every day, Chauncey.

What's that, Edgar?

What the shadow of the Moon crossing the Earth looks like

Only one year, three months, and 26 days left!

You stay classy, Miami Beach!

Punctuation, people!

I hate when journalists don't use the proper punctuation.

The headline SHOULD'VE read, 

"Sarah Palin Doesn't Think. Bill Nye Is A Real Scientist"

Too soon?

(via)

This is why pandas are so hard to see...

Then and Now

You can't argue with this logic...

(Thanks, Billy!)

One day, in a Spanish restaurant...

An American tourist stopped at a local restaurant while wandering around Sevilla.

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Si, Señor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American said, "I will have the same please."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Señor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow morning and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The following day the American returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Señor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Parenthood Illustrated

(via)

Michael Bublé dealing with a pushy stage mom

My favorite moment - "Holy shitballs, Mom!"

There are times something like this could come in handy

Constipated? Try this:

A bathroom with a glass floor, overlooking a 15-story elevator shaft.



Yup. That should do the trick.

Website Wednesday 16.21

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
 
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."  

  

                    The mere fact that sloths aren’t extinct

                    is scientific proof that if you go at your

                    own pace and mind your own damn

                    business, you too can succeed.

Top of the heap:  Can the Christian Left Be a Real Political Force? (Oh, please God - let it be so)

Can Quantum Physics Solve Time Travel's Most Famous Paradox?

A whole bunch of Internet Firsts in one handy infographic

Meet a few of the more obscure comic book heroes you may have forgotten

11 Fascinating Facts About Mad Max

George O’Donnell's glorious obituary (#wow #damn!)

How to rig elections, the legal way. A primer on gerrymandering

24 Pictures That Show How Different Dogs And Cats Really Are

12 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Pharmacists

21 Depressingly Funny Tweets About The FAFSA

Game of Thrones creator George R.R. Martin Reveals Why He's Killing Your Favorite Characters

Modern Marriage Proposals

 Website Wednesday archives

(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,

shoot me an email and let me know)