SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Thursday, June 30, 2016
The Woman With 100 Children
There once was a woman who had 100 children.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t very good at choosing names for them all, so she decided to just number them in birth order - One, Two, Three, etc.
One day, she and all of her children were in a tragic plane accident and the only one to survive was her daughter, 90.
After years of grief and growing, 90 got married and had some kids of her own.
One particular day, they found a stray dog and decided to keep it. But, just like her mom, she pretty much sucked at naming things, so she and her husband decided to call the dog, "That".
After several years of a happy life, 90 and her husband grew elderly and infirm, each eventually losing their memory.
They didn't know who their children were nor the name of their dog.
Only 90's kids will remember That.
Hillary Stormborn...
Hillary Stormborn of House Clinton, First of Her Name, Unburnt, The Silver Queen, Mother of LGBT, Breaker of Chains
(via)
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Website Wednesday 16.26
Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
To the guy in the wheelchair who
stole my camouflage jacket:
You can hide, but you can’t run.
Top of the heap: Here Is How To Plan The Ultimate 4th Of July Party
Top of the heap 2: A shark scientist recommends what to watch or 'loudly criticize' for Shark Week this year
17 Grammar Mistakes You Really Need to Stop Correcting, Like Now
Having said that, here's The Ultimate English Grammar Cheat Sheet
There’s A Mysterious Sound Coming From The Caribbean That’s So Loud It Can Be Heard From Space
Fellow Insomniacs! Everything You Need to Know About How Light Affects Your Sleep
The Most Beautiful Spot in Every U.S. State
I've been waiting for this since The Jetsons! When Cars Fly
10 Mind-Blowing Facts About Black Holes
Lions and Tigers and Bears? Pffft. Here are 10 Surprisingly Dangerous Animals
The Atmosphere Of Venus Is More Terrifying Than We Imagined
10 Intriguing Mysteries Lurking Beneath The Ocean
The Size of the Universe (hint: it's big)
10 Things We Thought We Knew About Dinosaurs
6 Common Misconceptions About Eggs
Four Popular Coffee Myths, Debunked By Science
Nine ways to make S'mores
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_à²
Website Wednesday archives
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Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Nursery Rhymes Revisited
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Simple Simon met a Pie Man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie Man, "What have you got there?"
Said the Pie Man unto Simon, "Pies, you dumb ass!"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the Kings' men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
Hey Diddle, Diddle the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Once kissed the girls and made them cry.
But now that Georgie can't stand noise
Georgie Porgy's kissing boys.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she qualified for public assistance and food stamps.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over a candlestick.
Goodness, gracious, Great Balls of Fire.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And one stupid goddamn eggplant.
Hickory dickory doc,
Three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck One,
The other two escaped with minor injuries.
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Simple Simon met a Pie Man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie Man, "What have you got there?"
Said the Pie Man unto Simon, "Pies, you dumb ass!"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the Kings' men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
Hey Diddle, Diddle the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Once kissed the girls and made them cry.
But now that Georgie can't stand noise
Georgie Porgy's kissing boys.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she qualified for public assistance and food stamps.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over a candlestick.
Goodness, gracious, Great Balls of Fire.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And one stupid goddamn eggplant.
Hickory dickory doc,
Three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck One,
The other two escaped with minor injuries.
Tunesmith Tuesday - TV Theme Songs (that you didn't know had lyrics) - The Andy Griffith Show
Well, now, take down your fishin' pole
And meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
We may not get a bite all day,
We may not get a bite all day,
But don't you rush away.
What a great place to rest your bones
What a great place to rest your bones
And mighty fine for skippin' stones,
You'll feel fresh as a lemonade,
You'll feel fresh as a lemonade,
A-settin' in the shade.
Whether it's hot, whether it's cool,
Whether it's hot, whether it's cool,
Oh what a spot for whistlin' like a fool.
What a fine day to take a stroll
What a fine day to take a stroll
And wander by The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way
I can't think of a better way
To pass the time o' day.
We'll have no need to call the roll
We'll have no need to call the roll
When we get to The Fishin' Hole,
There'll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey,
There'll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey,
To doodle time away.
If we don't hook a perch or bass,
If we don't hook a perch or bass,
We'll cool our toes in dewy grass,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw,
And maybe set and jaw.
Hangin' around, takin' our ease,
Hangin' around, takin' our ease,
Watchin' that hound a-scratchin' at his fleas.
Come on, take down your fishin' pole
Come on, take down your fishin' pole
And meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way
To pass the time o' day.
I can't think of a better way
Monday, June 27, 2016
Monday Mind Game - a Golden Oldie
Decipher the following terms:
- 26 L of the A
- 7 D of the W
- 7 W of the W
- 12 S of the Z
- 66 B of the B
- 52 C in a P (W J)
- 13 S in the U S F
- 18 H on a G C
- 39 B of the O T
- 5 T on a F
- 90 D in a R A
- 3 B M (S H T R)
- 32 is the T in D F at which W F
- 15 P in a R T
- 3 W on a T
- 100 C in a D
- 11 P in a F (S) T
- 12 M in a Y
- 13 is U F S
- 8 T on an O
- 29 D in F in a L Y
- 27 B in the N T
- 365 D in a Y
- 13 L in a B D
- 52 W in a Y
- 9 L of a C
- 60 M in an H
- 23 P of C in the H B
- 64 S on a C B
- 9 P in S A
- 6 B to an O in C
- 1000 Y in a M
- 15 M on a D M C
Give up?
Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answer:
*
1. 26 L of the A - 26 Letters of the Alphabet
2. 7 D of the W - 7 days of the Week
3. 7 W of the W - 7 wonders of the world
4. 12 S of the Z - 12 signs of the zodiac
5. 66 B of the B - 66 books of the bible
6. 52 C in a P (W J) - 52 cars in a pack (without jokers)
7. 13 S in the U S F - 13 stripes in the united states flag
8. 18 H on a G C - 18 holes on a golf course
9. 39 B of the O T - 39 books of the old testament
10. 5 T on a F - 5 toes on a foot
11. 90 D in a R A - 90 degrees in a right angle
12. 3 B M (S H T R) - 3 blind mice (see how they run)
13. 32 is the T in D F at which W F - 32 is the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit at which water freezes
14. 15 P in a R T - 15 players in a rugby team
15. 3 W on a T - 3 wheels on a tricycle
16. 100 C in a D - 100 cents in a dollar
17. 11 P in a F (S) T - 11 players in a football (soccer) team
18. 12 M in a Y - 12 months in a year
19. 13 is U F S - 13 is unlucky for some
20. 8 T on an O - 8 tentacles on an octopus
21. 29 D in F in a L Y - 29 days in February in a leap year
22. 27 B in the N T - 27 books in the New Testament
23. 365 D in a Y - 365 days in a year
24. 13 L in a B D - 13 loaves in a baker's dozen
25. 52 W in a Y - 52 weeks in a year
26. 9 L of a C - 9 lives of a cat
27. 60 M in an H - 60 minutes in an hour
28. 23 P of C in the H B - 23 pairs of chromosomes in the human body
29. 64 S on a C B - 64 squares on checkers board
30. 9 P in S A - 9 provinces in south Africa
31. 6 B to an O in C - 6 bowls to an over in cricket
32. 1000 Y in a M - 1000 years in a millennium
33. 15 M on a D M C - 15 men on a dead man's chest
*
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