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SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Random Status Updates (from the Quarantine)
So, wait... they cancelled the Renaissance Pleasure Faire because of COVID-19?
Why didn't they just run with it?
People dying from the plague would be pretty realistic, amirite?
~~~~~
I don't want to brag, but my car is currently getting about three weeks to the gallon
~~~~~
Remember wishing the weekend could just go on forever?
Are you happy now?
~~~~~
Dear Casinos: It’s no fun losing money, is it?
~~~~~
So Little Ducks, NOW do you understand why retired people eat dinner at 4:30pm?
~~~~~
Just because I’m bored, here’s a list of words containing the word, “meow”:
- meow
- meows
- meowed
- meowing
- homeowner
You’re welcome
~~~~~
Okay, “umop adisdn” is “upside down” spelled upside down with different letters of the alphabet. There. That’s one more thing you know.
~~~~~
Rent’s due. Car payment’s due.
Cable bill’s due. Cellular bill’s due.
Insurance due. Mountain Dew.
Baby shark do do do do do.
Everything’s due.
~~~~~
Isn’t it weird how the more we stay home, the more homeless we look?
~~~~~
Dear Amazon Prime and Netflix:
I don’t need the “Previously on…” feature.
I’ve been watching this show for 12 hours straight.
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Website Wednesday 20.18
Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
An Open Letter to both Amazon Prime and Netflix:
I don’t need the “Previously on…” feature, guys..
I’ve been watching this show for 18 hours straight.
Okay, first, the Pandemic, Icky Stuff:
A scuba diving group is making face masks out of recycled ocean plastic
Will Travel Change After Coronavirus? (short answer: ubetcha)
McDonald's Thank You Meals for Health Care Workers and First Responders
17 Social Distancing Pickup Lines That Prove the Internet is Extremely Creative
After coronavirus: Your next hotel stay may look like this
Now, the Stuff to Take Your Mind OFF The Pandemic, Icky Stuff:
Top of the heap: The Coolest Small Towns in America By State
Kermit is With Us, You Guys
Please, YES! Traditional Hand-Stirred Maple Butter (and yes, you can make it at home)
The Bizarre Experience of Sitting Inside the 'Quietest Room on Earth" - PLUS: a Guided Tour
Shipwrecks are now visible in Lake Michigan
Off the Wall Art
Here's something you might enjoy - Joe Pesci without the profanities (I know! Unbelievable, right?)
Kodak unveils the World's Largest Puzzle
How to Say No And Be Fulfilled in Work and in Life (Thanks, Emily!)
Massive Workout Collection (yeah, no)
The Entire U.S. Box Office Last Weekend Came From a Single Florida Drive-In Theater
The Most Dangerous Place in the History of Planet Earth
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_à²
Website Wednesday archives
(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot me an email and let me know)
Unabashed plug:
Order a copy of my book,How to Negotiate When You Hate Negotiating
paperback - http://bit.ly/skiptuckerpb
or e-book - http://bit.ly/skiptuckerkn
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Lizard Family
Mother: This is our oldest son. He's all grown up now and crushes buildings.
Little lizard: ahem
Mother: *signs* Also, this is our youngest. He can get you 15% off car insurance.
(via)
Donald Trump is a Stable Genius
Donald Trump is always boasting
he has such a high IQ. How
can we get him to prove it?
Are you kidding? He proves his smarts every day. His high IQ comes blasting through every time he tweets his genius thoughts.
The Top Ten Things Which Prove That Donald Trump is a Stable Genius
10. Only he knows that the “sound of Wind Turbines causes cancer.”
9. He makes speeches that nobody can understand, so he must be speaking at a level far above the average person. Much of what he says can only be heard by people who can hear “Dog Whistles”.
8. He knows big words like “covfefe”, which most people have no idea what it means.
7. Only he is smart enough to read between the lines of The Mueller Report and see that he is “TOTALLY and COMPLETELY EXONERATED!”, right after the passage where it says “Accordingly, while this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”
6. Only Trump knows that, “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” Tweeted by him on 11/6/2012.
5. He got all perfect grades in all the schools he attended, which he sued to keep private, so as not to embarrass all the regular, stupid people who voted for him.
4. Who else knew about the capture of all the airports during the Revolutionary War?
3. The fact that he won’t release his tax returns lends credence to the fact that he is a genius at not paying taxes.
2. The fact that dozens of people who surround him daily, say that he doesn’t read anything, proves that he already must know everything.
1. He has all the degrees possible from Trump University.
The Next Top Ten Things Which Demonstrate that Donald Trump is a Stable Genius
10. Only he is smart enough to change the path of a hurricane with a Sharpie.
9. Only he knows that DOJ actually stands for “Donnie’s Own Judicial” system and Bill Barr is his personal lawyer.
8. His genius has determined that Senate acquittal means he was never really impeached.
7. Only he is smart enough to know that the Corona virus is just a fad and will be gone when the weather warms up.
6. Trump is smart enough to know that everyone else is just plain stupid, especially the ones he hires and eventually fires for all his cabinet posts and staff.
5. Foregoing his $400,000 Presidential salary while he bills the government for $140 million in golf expenses at his resorts is pure genius.
4. It was a genius move to give The Presidential Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh at the State of the Union address. Nobody could possibly disagree with that, right?
3. Firing Gordon Sondland as EU Ambassador and keeping his $1 Million campaign donation was brilliant.
2. Using the National Prayer Breakfast to swear revenge on his impeachment enemies was something only “The Chosen One” would be smart enough to do.
1. He is brilliant enough to divert $3.8 Billion from Congressionally allocated military spending to fund his wall, which Mexico was supposed to pay for.
(via)
TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "I Like to Move It" (from "Madagascar")
I Like to Move It
(Chorus)
I Like To Move It Move It
I Like To Move It Move It
I Like To Move It Move It
Ya Like To (MOVE IT!)
All Girls All Over The World
Original King Julian Pon Ya Case Man!
I Love How All The Girls A Love ta Move Their Body
And When Ya Move Ya Body
Uno Move It
Nice And Sweet And Sexy Alright!
Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman! Physically Fit
Physically Fit
Physically
Physically
Physically
Woman! Physically Fit
Physically Fit
Physically
Physically
Physically
Physically
Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya Nice Sweet Energetic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya nice
Sweet Fantastic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
WOMAN!
(Chorus)
Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman Ya Cute And You Don
Original Cute Body You A Mek Man Mud Up
Eyeliner
A Mek Man Mud Up
Nose Powder
A Mek Man Mud Up
Pluck Ya Eyebrow
Pon Ya
Pon Ya Face A Mek Man Mud Up
Gal Ya Lipstick
Pon Ya Face A Mek Man Mud Up
Woman Ya Nice Broad Face
And Ya Nice Hip Make Man
Flip And Bust Them Lip
Woman Ya Nice And Energetic
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
Woman! Ya Nice
Broad Face
And Ya Nice Hip
Make Man Flip And Bust Them Lip
Big Ship Pon De Ocean That A Big Titanic
WOAH!
BOP!
WOAH!
BOP!
WOAH!
BOP!
WOAH!
BOP!
THAT TREE OVER THERE YEH
AND I REMEMBER THINGS CHANGED A LOT IN THOSE
DAYS, IN MADAGASCAR IT WASNT SO COMMERCIAL, YOU KNOW,
THERE WASNT ALL THE FUSS BOUT WHO'S GOT THE LATEST TREE
AND WHAT LEAVES
ARE YOU WEARING AND WHO'S GOT
THE LATEST FUR ON THEIR BACK YOU KNOW,
THOSE DAYS IT WAS JUST ME AND A COUPLE OF THE OTHERS YOU
KNOW, DOING THE JUNGLE BOOGIE YOU KNOW,
JUNGLE BOOGIE... JUNGLE BOOGIE
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH
I LIKE TO MOVE IT!
YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS NEVER GONNA END COZ IT IS 3,2,1
NOT BAD EH? I LIKE IT
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