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SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Thursday, May 2, 2019
Random Status Updates
If you ever think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classified it as an “uncharacteristic purchase.”
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“Lazy” is such a harsh word.
I prefer the term, “selective participation.”
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I’m starting up a new restaurant that serves curry poured over French fries. It’s called “Curry On My Wayward Spud.” And yes… there’ll be peas when you are done.
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If someone doesn’t say, “No shit, Sherlock” to both Iron Man and Dr. Strange in the movie, “Infinity War, I, for one, will be sorely disappointed.
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It’s easy to deter ladies from eating Tide Pods, but it’s quite a bit more difficult to deter…gents.
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So, apparently, it’s frowned upon to scream, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME!” when you’re at the self-checkout machine.
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**air horn sound**
**second air horn sound***
Me: “Wait, this isn’t my deodorant.”
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Damn Millennials. Walking around like they rent the place.
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The most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter is that they eventually use all the skills they learned at school.
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Me (young and naïve): I hope something good happens
Me (now): I hope whatever bad thing happens is at least funny
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Website Wednesday 19.17
Website Wednesday
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
“Nice picture! These are your kids?”
“Yep. That’s Stephen, Kayleigh, and Austyn.”
“How old are they?”
“Elephen, threigh, and sevyn.”
Top of the heap: When to take a bathroom pee break during Avengers: Endgame (no plot spoilers)
The bias that makes us spend instead of saving
Geezer Gifts (Thanks, Melody!)
Related: Top Travel Destinations For Old Farts (over 50)
Y'know those chalk marks parking officers put on your tires? Turns out that's unconsitutional
The price change of insulin over the past few years
Obstruction of Justice in the Mueller Report: A Heat Map
This Conversation Between a Passenger and an Airline Should Absolutely Terrify You (Thanks, Monkeybone)
The Yodeler Who Sued Yahoo
The night it rained seat cushionsat Busch Stadium
Mistakes tourists make when visiting LA
Flying Motorcycles? Sign me up!
The Last Great Hippie Communeis Still Going Strong
What Does Poison Ivy Look Like?
Anybody wanna buy a baby T-rex?
The Surströmming Offensive (and man, do I mean offensive)
I think I've discovered my new lair (now, does anyone want to give me a spare $15 million?)
Just another day at Walmart
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_ಠ
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